


Know The Self to be Infinite

by Lartovio



Category: Avengers, Iron Man - Fandom, Ironfamily - Fandom, avengers endgame - Fandom, iron dad - Fandom
Genre: AU, Avengers AU, Avengers Endgame, Avengers Endgame fix-it, Blood, Complete, Completed, Endgame AU, Endgame Alternate Ending, Familial Love, Family, Fix It Fic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Iron Man lives, Irondad, Ironfamily, Medical, Post Avengers Endgame, Pro Tony, Tony Stark Lives, Tony lives, if you want an in depth theory on how Tony should have survived within the MCU, ironfam, medical details galore my dudes, this is it, tony lives AU, tony stark deserved better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-03-06 12:39:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18851251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lartovio/pseuds/Lartovio
Summary: Humanity was not created to wield the power of the infinity stones, they are a power for the gods and cosmos alone. But when Tony Stark gets his hands on them, he is willing to lay down his life to assure they are never again used to harm another. It only takes one man to undo five years of pain and trauma, but it's going to take a team to keep him alive afterward.





	1. Chapter One

Tony stumbled back and fell into a huge piece of concrete rubble. As his body bounced around in the armor, the wind was knocked from his lungs. He wheezed, feeling completely empty. Moments before, he was the most powerful man in the galaxy. Now, it was tearing his body apart, and he was almost certainly dying. FRIDAY chimed something about vitals in his ear, but he couldn't hear her. 

He blinked, and was more confused when his eyes opened. He was looking at himself from above as the power of the stones slowly destroyed him. 

The stones still glowed, almost evil just in their nature, on his knuckles. The power spread up his arm like a poison, growing fast and destroying him in the process. He looked up, and saw Strange looking right at him. Not him, laying on the ground--him, floating above his own body. His vision faded rapidly, everything around him turning to black. He reached out for Peter as the kid lunged forward, landing beside his body and already crying. He blinked again, and it was all gone.

A pool. A serene lake. Nothing like the dirty, bloody, desolate battlefield he’d just occupied. He was barefoot, wearing his favorite sweatpants and that old “I arc reactor Iron Man” t-shirt that Pepper was always stealing. It looked better on her, anyway.

There was a redhead with him, there, but it wasn’t his redhead. It was Natasha, sitting in the pool, but not wet. As he approached, she was trailing her fingers through the water and watching the ripples.

“What is this?” Tony asked. His voice echoed, and at the same time, it didn’t go far enough for the vast emptiness that surrounded them.

Natasha looked up, and smiled. She patted the water beside her, which sent ripples out, but didn’t splash.

Tony sat. Peace filled his body like he’d never before felt. His heart, for the first time since Afghanistan, didn’t hurt. The ache in his chest, where his plastic sternum kept his ribcage from collapsing, was just...gone. He took a deep breath through his nose. His chest expand like a balloon--a fully functional balloon with no prosthetic pieces, no holes, and no scar tissue. It didn’t hurt, and like a helium balloon, he felt like he was floating.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Natasha asked quietly. She was still smiling. It showed just barely at the corners of her lips, but deeply in her eyes. He had known Natasha for years--longer than any Avenger beside Clint--and he had never seen her so deeply content.

He nodded. “Am I hallucinating?”

She leaned back, tossing her hair over her shoulder. It was loose, completely red down to her waist, and naturally wavy. He’d never seen it like that, and he had to guess she hadn’t seen it like that in a long time, too.

“I don’t know what this place is,” she admitted. “I thought death would come with some kind of innate knowledge of everything, I thought I would have answers, but...that’s not what this is.”

“We aren’t dead?”

“Oh, I am. Lying somewhere at the base of a cliff, lightyears away.” She turned to him. “Was it worth it?”

He stared back, then shook his head. “There had to have been another way, Widow.”

That smile again. “And let my namesake go without his dad? There was no other way for me, or for you. Strange only saw one possibility, remember?”

Tony looked down. “You’re right.”

“Was it worth it, then? Did we win?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I turned them all to dust, Bruce brought back the others. Morgan…” he faltered.

Morgan what? Morgan would grow up remembering her dad’s broken promise to be home in a few days? Morgan would grow up with a single mother? Morgan would grow up hating him like he had hated his dad? Morgan would cry herself to sleep, curled up in his spot in bed beside Pepper, for God knows how long?

“You know you can’t stay here,” Natasha said softly.

Tony stood, sending ripples in every direction. “I’m not done. I don’t want to be done.”

She stood too, and hugged him. “You never will be, Tony. Tell them I’m at peace, okay? Tell them all how much I love them.”

Tony squeezed Natasha tightly, and closed his eyes.

When he opened them again, it was to blinding pain.


	2. Chapter Two

His ears were ringing. The battlefield wasn’t as loud as it had been a few minutes ago, but he could still hear it all. Dust floated on the air around him, the ashes of the quickly fading army he’d just obliterated with a snap. God, a snap and ashes. He couldn’t have been more original? He had to copy the big purple bastard exactly?

Peter was talking. He said that he did it, they won. Tears were filling his eyes and bubbling over onto his cheeks, drawing lines through the blood and grime that covered him.

Tony tried to reach out toward him, but he couldn’t He couldn't move a single muscle in his body. Everything was on  _ fire _ still. His arm was burning up, and sharp pain like a thousand tiny claws were crawling up it farther and farther. He imagined his muscles unwinding from bone and sinew, disconnecting from each other and falling limp like a bowl of gross Tony Spaghetti. That’s how it felt.

Peter moved aside, and Pepper crashed to her armored knees in his place. The helmet whipped back from her head, and her hair flew everywhere. He always thought it was so ironic that she was a strawberry blonde. She was allergic to strawberries. He’d forgotten that, once.

“Pep,” he breathed.

She put her hands on his face, and she was crying too. “FRIDAY?”

“ _ Vital signs are fading fast _ ,” the AI answered softly. If a robot could mourn…

The sensation was in his face, now. Blades in his flesh, peeling him like a vegetable. Cracking like the dry ground in a desert. Fuck. He wasn’t going to have an option, was he? He wasn’t going to have a chance to tell Morgan how much he loved her, how sorry he was. He wasn’t going to have a chance to take the kid back to his aunt and set them up for life, make sure they never wanted for a thing. He wouldn’t have a chance to put Pepper on his arm and walk her around the compound, bragging to all the Avengers, his  _ friends _ , that she’d finally let him marry her. He wouldn’t get to sit down with Steve and just work it out, no matter how much they had to shout to get it done. He wasn’t going to be able to tell Pepper all about his dad--he’d met his dad, he had actually traveled back in time and met his dad, and he knew for certain now how loved he’d been even when he didn’t know it. There wasn’t enough time.

He tried to move his fingers inside the gauntlet. Change something, heal himself, but they didn’t move. He wasn’t sure if they were even there anymore, really. Instead, he moved the other arm. He put his hand on top of Pepper’s. He tried to grip her tightly, reassure her, tell her he loved her, but his tongue was numb. It was taking all his energy just to breathe. His mind screamed inside his head, almost as loudly as every fiber of his being was screaming in pain, but he couldn’t say anything.

“It’s okay,” Pepper said, grounding him like she always had. He trained his eyes on hers. “You can rest, now.”

_ I don’t want to go _ .

His eyes closed, anyway.

Peter moved closer, holding Pepper’s shoulder. They watched as the light on his arc reactor sputtered, and went out.

“That’s--that’s not good,” Peter stammered. He looked between Pepper and Steve, who was standing above him now. He looked at Bruce, at Clint, at the Black Panther, the many other unfamiliar faces around them. “Guys, we gotta do something. We gotta save him.” His voice cracked.

Pepper turned away from Tony and took Peter’s hand, standing them both up. She wrapped her arms around him, this kid that her husband had loved, and held him. She tried not to sob, public emotion had never been her style, but it was hard. Peter didn’t restrain himself. He cried openly on her shoulder.

“This isn’t right,” Steve said.

Bruce clapped a big green hand on his shoulder. 

Steve shoved him off, and stepped forward. “This isn’t right!” He repeated. He realized he was angry, as it grew in his chest. “Why would he do this?” He shouted at the others. “Carol could have taken that load! I could have taken it! He’s the only damn human here, and he takes it alone?”

“It was the only way, Captain,” Strange said. “He knew this. He had an opening, and he took it.”

Steve shook his head. “No. No, that should have been  _ me. _ He has a daughter! He has a family, Strange! Does that mean nothing to you?”

“It meant everything to him, and that’s why he made the sacrifice.”

Steve’s nostrils flared in anger as he looked at the Avengers around him. “It was someone else’s turn to make the sacrifice.”

He turned and pulled Tony by the legs until he was lying down in the dirt and rubble. Someone’s hands closed around his biceps, trying to pull them away, and he threw an elbow backward. He put his fingers under the armor around Tony’s neck and pulled until it cracked and fell away like a shell around him. He put two fingers on his neck, looking for a pulse. He pressed deeper. Nothing.

He turned to the chestplate of the armor, scrabbling for a grip on the slick surface. He pulled and chipped the armor away in pieces while everyone watched.

“FRIDAY, let him go,” Pepper said. She was watching from the sidelines, still holding Peter under her arm.

“ _ He's gone, Boss, _ ” the AI countered. “ _ Vital systems are damaged beyond _ \--”

“I don’t care.”

At Pepper’s command, Tony’s suit fell away in pieces. Everything except the portion around his arm. The grey death was still eking up his neck and face, spreading and spreading even after it had already devoured him.

“ _ I’m not in control of his right arm, _ ” FRIDAY told them.

Steve ripped the arc reactor off of Tony’s chest and tore his undersuit open down to his stomach. He put the heel of his hand on Tony’s artificial sternum, and started pumping to a beat. One, two, three, four, five…

Bruce knelt beside the gauntlet and opened a tiny control panel on the arm, right where Tony had always kept it. For such a futurist, he was a creature of habit.

Peter knelt beside him, wiping away tears. “My hands are smaller,” he said. “Nice to meet you, by the way. I’m Peter.”

“I know who you are,” Bruce said, squinting at the panel. “Tony talked about you all the time. Pull that silver wire.”

Peter reached into the panel and plucked out the wire. The gauntlet sparked near the panel, but did nothing else.

“I have the schematics up,” Pepper said, helmet up around her head again, “but I don’t understand any of it, Bruce. I don’t know how to help.”

Steve paused compressions again and moved to Tony’s head, forcing air into his lungs once, twice, then back to compressions. Tony’s plastic sternum was starting to crack underneath his palms.

“Do you need a break?” Clint asked.

Steve shook his head, and said the first thing that leapt to the front of his mind. “I could do this all day. You guys get that damn glove off.”

More and more were gathering around the fallen Avenger. Scott had brought Hope over, and they stood anxiously on the sidelines. After a moment, Scott elbowed his way in. 

“Thor,” he said, pointing at the bulk of a man. “Get over here.”

Thor, Stormbreaker in hand, stepped forward. Bruce stood and backed away. “Are you sure?”

Scott nodded vigorously. “Yes! I’ve seen this work, I promise.”

Thor raised Stormbreaker high overhead, determination etched into his face, and then brought the axe swinging down.

Everyone cried out at once, Scott most of all. Even Steve, determined as he was to keep Tony’s blood flowing, leaned away from the axe’s arc. Pepper turned into the nearest set of arms to her, closing her eyes against the sight.

In one decisive, mighty chop, Tony’s arm was severed clean from his body. Thor had gone right through his right bicep, removing the offending limb and the infinity stones all at once. The spreading poison stopped on Tony’s skin.

“Thor!” Scott cried. “That's not at all what I fucking meant!”

Steve leaned forward and resumed CPR.

Thor grabbed Tony’s arm and tossed it, and the infinity stones, a yard away. Strange and a few others sidestepped to avoid the flying limb. “What did you think I was going to do?” Thor cried back. “The stones would have continued to consume his life-force until he was nothing but a shriveled corpse.”

“I meant--” Scott put his hand over his mouth, looking a little green. “I meant for you to shock him. You did it in the past--or, the other reality--it doesn't matter, just give him a jumpstart!”

“Move, Rogers,” Thor commanded. He raised the axe overhead again, and brought down the smallest ever charge of electricity on Tony’s chest. His spine arched upward once, then lie still.

Steve put his fingers to Tony’s throat again, and breathed a sigh. “I’ve got a pulse. It’s weak. Peter, seal that wound.”

Peter, in shock as he was, stood up and switched his web-shooters from webbing fluid to Tony’s nanoparticle wound sealant. He covered the stump of his arm liberally as it oozed dark blood, and also coated all the burn-like wounds on his shoulder, face, and chest where the stones’ power had spread up. Clint leapt forward with a tourniquet and secured it down on Tony’s arm.

With all the chaos around him, and the unimaginable pain he must have been in, Tony’s face didn’t contort in pain once--his eyes didn’t open. And he still wasn’t breathing.

“He needs medical attention right now,” Bruce said.

Strange stepped forward. Wong, beside him, summoned a portal to New York’s best trauma center. Stephen, using magic, pulled a sheet of metal from the rubble and straightened it into a sort-of stretcher.

“Ms. Maximoff, a hand.”

Wanda stepped forward, and while Stephen held the stretcher aloft, Wanda lifted Tony onto it. Steve stayed nearby, providing rescue breaths without another tool to do it.

“No,” T’Challa said, blocking the portal. “Take him to Wakanda. Shuri and our best surgeons will attend to him.”

Everyone looked to Steve, who looked to Pepper. She gave a tearful nod of consent.

Wong charged up another portal. Tony and Steve went through first, followed by Stephen, Wong, Pepper, Peter, Bucky, Thor, and Bruce. Clint hung back, grabbing Bruce as he passed.

“Laura and the kids--”

“We’ll keep you updated,” he said.

Clint nodded.

As soon as the procession was through, the golden portal snapped closed.


	3. Chapter Three

Pepper had been in many medical facilities in many countries worldwide. Many times she’d been with Tony, and often  _ for _ Tony specifically. In all that time though, she had never seen a medical facility that looked like this. Wakanda was something else altogether. Beautiful, for sure, but just odd. She was assured that the rooms were kept sterile with electromagnetic technology in the air systems. She was assured Tony was in the best hands in the world. But she hardly recognized any of their medical equipment, and the girl caring for him...she was just a  _ girl _ .

A formidable girl, yes. A princess, yes. Pepper saw with her own eyes as they fought together that Princess Shuri was very capable and very smart, but it was just distressing. Then again, she would have been distressed no matter who it was. There was nobody smart or capable enough that Pepper would willingly put Tony’s life in their hands.

Since she was not a renowned neurosurgeon, or a kid genius, or a biochemist, she sat quietly against the wall with Peter. She held an arm around his shoulders as they both watched blankly, barely daring to hope. Pepper’s armor, tentatively nicknamed ‘Rescue’, was standing sentry mode beside the entrance.

Tony had been transferred from the makeshift stretcher to the operating table in the room, barely clinging to life. A nurse handed Steve a bag-valve-mask and sealed the mask to Tony’s face while Shuri pulled a metal cart close to the table, put on gloves, and started ripping open packages.

“He still isn’t breathing,” Steve said urgently, watching Tony’s face instead of the chaos around him.

“I am aware,” Shuri said. “Move, I’m intubating.”

Steve stepped back as Shuri opened Tony’s mouth, stuck a scope down his throat, and followed it with a tube. Breathing taken care of, she moved on to the next problem: the bleeding stump of his right arm. Steve was rejected by the sidelines, holding the breathing apparatus and watching breathlessly.

On the other side of him, Strange was putting an IV in with trembling fingers. He controlled the shaking as much as he could, but thankfully IV insertion was not delicate work. He stuck the vein and attached it to a bag of fluids hung by a nurse who was two steps ahead of the doctors around her.

Another nurse was connecting wireless nodes to his body in various places, including his chest, stomach, and forehead. Vital signs began to appear overhead, and every single one of them was critical. Bruce stood by these screens, watching the vitals. O2 stats were hovering around sixty percent, even as oxygen was pumped relentlessly into his lungs. His heart, beating though it was, was not perfusing adequately. The fingers of his one hand were cold and lacking color.

“He has a pacemaker,” Steve said. “Why isn’t it doing anything?”

“The stones’ power short circuited his whole body, forget the pacemaker,” Shuri said shortly. “Everyone step away for the scan.”

Everyone took a step away from the table, and for a moment, Tony lie alone there. The room fell silent in the lack of movement. A faint grid image appeared over Tony for a moment, then snapped off. Screens appeared around the table, showing a full body image of the Avenger.

“You just took a full body CT scan in ten seconds,” Stephen said, astonished.

Shuri half-grinned as she looked over the images. “Welcome to Wakanda.” As she read the images, her smile faded. “This is not good.”

No sooner than the words left her mouth, the monitors began screeching all at once. Shuri dismissed the holographic images and stepped toward Tony again.

“What's happening?” Pepper asked, sitting straight and trying to see around everyone.

“He’s bradycardic,” Bucky said, standing silently nearby. His arms were crossed over his chest, but as he watched, distress was etched across his brow. “He’s crashing, they have to jump start him again.”

Pepper leaned back and pulled Peter closer. He had his eyes closed, and murmured to himself. The kid was praying. She had no idea who he was praying to, and maybe he didn't either, but it couldn't hurt. Pepper took his hand tightly in hers and prayed right along with him while the monitors screeched.

Slowly, things began to calm. The beeping of the heart monitor became less urgent, more frequent. The sound of feet scuffling across the floor slowed, though it didn’t stop.

“It’s alright,” Bucky said.

He was closer, this time. Pepper could tell just by the sound of his voice. When she opened her eyes, Bucky was standing right at her shoulder, watching the monitors carefully. She couldn't believe this man, this murderer, was providing her comfort as the man who tried to kill him lie dying. Tony and Steve may have had time to rectify their differences, but Bucky and Tony didn't have that yet. Bucky shouldn't have cared if Tony lived or died, but he did.

“Thank you,” Pepper murmured.

The patient stable, Shuri went back to her scans. This time, with Strange very interested at her shoulder. “Every vital organ is damaged. Much tissue is affected, as well, and he’s severely dehydrated. Push more adrenaline, up fluids, and get his heart working. And get some blood in here.” She was silent for a moment while everyone scrambled to respond. “I need Helen Cho.”

“Dr. Cho retired after the Ultron fiasco,” Stephen said.

“I didn't ask. I won’t be able to keep him alive long. Brother?”

T'Challa stood, still suited. “Dr. Strange, let us go and speak with Dr. Cho. I have a feeling she can be persuaded to come out of retirement for a day in this case.”

Stephen reluctantly stepped forward and opened a portal to South Korea.

Once the two had gone, Shuri looked to Thor. “I am going to replace his pacemaker and take care of his arm. Once I’m back, I want you to tell me everything you know about these stones. Mrs. Stark, I will be taking him to surgery for a short while. His brain waves are normal, so he may be able to hear.”

Pepper stood, and reluctantly approached the table. She flinched away from the sight of him, all wounds and bandages and sterile medical equipment. There was a tube in his throat, and a mask wrapped around it to hold it in place. The IV in his arm was perfusing blood and fluids, and what was left of his right arm was wrapped in gauze. Red was beginning to blossom through it. She stood on his left side, away from the arm, and the tissue damage on the side of his face. Instead, she looked at him as she’d known him. If you excused the tube, and the blood, it almost just looked like he was sleeping. There was no pain on his face.

She leant over him and pressed a kiss to his forehead. When she straightened, she wiped her tear from where it had fallen on his cheek. “If you manage to pull through this, Tony Stark, you are never leaving our house again. That’s a promise.” She touched his hand, lingering. “I love you.”

She sat back down beside Peter as Shuri led him and the table away.

Peter sniffled.

Steve, also left behind, sat on the floor beside Pepper. He was absolutely covered in war grime, himself, and not without injury. He held his side gingerly and groaned like the old man he kind of was as he sat.

“Thank you,” she said. “Even if he doesn’t make it...thank you.”

Steve nodded. After a silence, he asked, “Where’s Morgan? Is she alright?”

“My parents are at the house.” Pepper sat straighter with realization. “I need to talk to them, let them know we’re alright. Mr. Wong, could you please take us back to New York for just a few minutes? I’d like to get a change of clothes and check on Morgan, and Peter needs to get back to his Aunt.”

The wizard nodded, and offered her a hand as she stood. “Wong is fine, Mrs. Stark. Once you are taken care of, I will return to the Sanctum. There is much to be sorted, I’m sure.”

Steve got up, too. He hesitated, then stepped forward and drew Pepper and Peter into a hug at the same time. He pulled away after a moment, and cleared his throat. “I’m going to stay here. I’ll update you if anything happens.”

Pepper nodded, tears forming in her eyes again. “I’ll--I’ll bring you a change of clothes. I'm sure something of Tony’s will fit you. Thank you.”

“Hey, come get those ribs checked out,” Bucky called. On the other side of the room, he was standing beside Bruce, who was having his arm checked out by a Wakandan nurse.

Pepper nodded to him, and Steve nodded back before going to Bucky. She was about to turn to Wong, and stopped again when Peter hesitated.

He held his hands together nervously in front of him. “Is Aunt May mad at me?”

“Oh, sweetie. Your Aunt...the same thing happened to her, Peter. She’s probably worried sick at home, but she hasn't been that way for more than a few hours. Tony's been paying the rent, kept the place the same as it was.”

Peter’s face lightened, like a load was lifted from his young shoulders. “Thank God. Okay, Mrs. Stark, I’m ready to go then.”

They stood side by side as Wong opened the portal.

“Oh, by the way, when did you and Mr. Stark get married, again?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! I am no newbie to fanfiction, but I have never posted on AO3 before. Let me know if I've fudged anything up. This should only be a 8-10 thousand word deal, detailing my theory of how they could have/should have healed Tony with the advanced tech available to them in the MCU. I just......needed to fix it. Deep in my soul, I needed to. So here we are. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter Four

Stephen and T’Challa found Dr. Cho living in a modest, traditional home in the countryside of South Korea. There was a small garden on one side of the house, and a long-armed weeping willow tree beside the porch. The branches swayed in the breeze, birds chirped in the trees beyond the neatly trimmed yard. It was almost startlingly peaceful, after being on a battlefield less than an hour earlier and still covered in the grime of it. Not to mention the fact that they’d been functionally dead for five years. 

They mounted the steps to the porch, and Stephen knocked as T’Challa stood to the side.

“What do you want?” A female voice said over a speaker.

Stephen looked up for the source of the sound, and found a small camera above the door. He stepped back to be fully within the frame, hands clasped in front of him. “I am Doctor Strange--”

“I don't practice anymore,” she said dismissively.

“I'm here on behalf of Tony Stark,” Stephen continued. “If you pay any attention to the news, you’ll have noticed the disappeared people are reappearing, now.”

There was a pause of more than a few seconds. They could hear movement on the other side of the door, then a bolt sliding, and the door cracked open. They could just see Helen’s face. “Tony did that?”

“Yes. He’s in critical condition.”

Cho looked between the two of them, carefully evaluating each. “You're Avengers.” She thought for another moment, then threw the door open wide. “Come in.”

Upon crossing the threshold, they found that the humble, rustic outside of the building did nothing to portray what was within. There was a living area with a few couches, and a fireplace not in use. It was very modern, but comfortable. To the left, there was a sleek kitchen, and more of the home beyond that. But straight from the door, the living area was divided by a glass wall and a lab lie beyond it that reminded both men of Tony Stark’s multiple labs and workshops. There were multiple robot arms for assembly and assistance, a large 3D printer, and multiple long, cylindrical metal and glass tubes. Helen's famed cradle technology.

“I was under the impression you had retired, Doctor,” T’Challa remarked. 

Helen spoke as they walked. “After Ultron, I had nightmares for months. It interfered with my work, and I doubted that I should continue when I realized how much havoc The Vision could have brought on us if the Avengers hadn’t interfered.” She entered a code on an invisible keypad on the glass wall, and entered the lab with her guests trailing behind. She stopped at her desk, sat on the stool, and turned to face them. “Then Tony showed up at my door. He was having nightmares, too, but he wasn’t letting it stop him. He told me that instead of fearing what we can create, we should fear only what has already been created, and instead put our own creations to good use. He put together a fund for my work, and made sure it would never again be used without my say-so. This lab is secure as any Avengers facility. He's been a good friend to me, I’ll do anything I can to help him.”

“Stark took a great deal of damage from the Infinity Stones, which were used to restore the disappeared. My sister Shuri is a skilled physician, and our technology in Wakanda is very advanced, but it will not be enough to save him. We need you and your tissue regeneration technology.”

She nodded. “Did you bring a jet?”

Strange, looking around the lab, turned back to Helen. “I can transport you and your equipment instantaneously. What will you need for multisystem failure, and extensive tissue damage?”

Helen bit her lip and took a look around the lab, as well. “A lot.”

Stephen turned and opened a portal against the wall. It led right back into the room in Wakanda which they’d initially come from. “Point us to what’s needed.”

Strange, Steve, Thor, and T’Challa all walked in and out of the portal, moving equipment big and small. A cradle, the bioprinter, Cho’s hand-bound research notes, her personal computer, the larger servers which operated her tech-- all of it had to come, and all of it had to find a home in the room. Helen and Bruce found those homes, and began to hook everything up so that it could be operational as soon as possible.

When Shuri returned from surgery sans-Tony, all of the action stopped, and everyone’s attention turned to her. The way she wrung her hands didn’t give them hope.

Pepper had returned, by then, in a fresh change of clothes and without Peter. She stepped forward, and Shuri gave her a little encouraging smile.

“He’s stable for now,” she said.

The entire room let out a breath.

Shuri gestured toward Pepper, and the two walked down the long hallway into a different part of the hospital.

Pepper, who had not yet been out of that one room, was trying not to act like she’d never seen a hospital before. The room they’d been in before didn’t begin to scratch the surface of this beautiful and foreign place. Tribal designs, for lack of better term, adorned nearly every surface. Dividing walls between areas for doctors and nurses and the general public were beautifully textured, made of metal which Pepper could only assume was at least part vibranium. Wood textures were found and seen, as well, on the fronts of desks and doors. The walls were colorful and patterned tastefully. All in all, it was nothing like an American hospital--or a hospital in any other part of the world, really. When Tony and Bruce told Pepper that Wakanda was not a third world country like the media portrayed them, she had assumed they were just a first-world country like America or Great Britain. She could never have pictured this. They weren’t even first-world. Wakanda was something altogether different.

“What was the room we were in?”

“It is an emergency triage room.” Shuri glanced over her shoulder at the older woman, and smiled. “Like what you see?”

“Princess, it’s amazing.”

Shuri’s smile wasn’t smug or boastful, but definitely a little proud. She was loved her home, for sure, it must have been a thrill to share with outsiders.

As Shuri turned into a room, Pepper was brought crashing back down to reality. The scenery wasn’t as beautiful when she rounded the doorway into this new room.

Tony lie in a hospital bed, which was surprisingly the most familiar thing she’d seen yet. Her heart dropped to her stomach as she approached the bedside. There was still the tube in his throat and mask on his face. What was new was the tight, uniform gray bandaging over the stump of his right arm, and the small bandage over his heart. The skin damaged by using the stones was covered by thin, transparent material that she didn't recognize. He was still without a shirt, but the pants of his ruined undersuit had been replaced with some loose hospital version. Deep purple rings surrounded his eyes, and his face was puffy around them. The rest of him was alarmingly yellowed, and Pepper had seen enough medical dramas to know what that meant. His liver, among other things, was failing.

Pepper put her hand on his chest, feeling for his heartbeat even as the steady tick of the monitor at the bedside told her it was there. She just had to be sure for herself.

Pepper had so many questions, she didn’t even know where to begin. When she looked to Shuri with tears in her eyes, she must have been able to tell.

“He  _ is _ stable,” she reasserted. “Multiple organs are still...iffy, but his heart is beating on its own again. It’s slower than normal, but any other irregularities will be sorted out by the pacemaker.”

“You opened him up? With such a small incision?” Pepper looked back down to the bandage on his chest. It couldn’t have been much bigger than the palm of her hand.

“It will barely scar.”

Pepper sat heavily in the seat beside the bed, holding one hand on Tony’s, and the other over her mouth. She was getting dangerously close to the ugly sobbing stage of grief, here, and she didn’t want a witness. It was a wonder she’d made it this far, really. Tears were running down her cheeks, and her throat hurt from the effort of keeping sobs in check.

“Doctor Cho brings us nothing but hope. You’ve seen her technology in action--how well the Vision held up, and how she healed the Avengers on multiple occasions. Even if half of his tissue is synthetic by the time we’re done, he is going to live, and his body will regenerate over the artificial.”

Pepper nodded. She couldn’t look away from his face anymore. He still looked so damn peaceful. She wondered how much morphine was in his system to keep him that way. “Thank you,” she said tightly.

“Would you like me to leave you here?”

Again, she nodded. If she spoke another word, the dam was going to break.

“If you need help finding us, any nurse will guide you.” Shuri hesitated in the doorway a moment longer, then turned and left.

Pepper rested her forehead on the mattress, holding Tony’s hand in both of hers, and sobbed. She cried buckets of tears, until the tightness in her chest abated, and the trembling in her hands lessened. When she was finished, she picked her head up, and found Tony exactly the same.

She wiped her nose and eyes with tissue on the table beside the bed, and tried to generally pull herself together a bit. She had to remain stable enough to at least see Morgan again before she went to bed, and to make Tony’s medical decisions. She had to keep herself together.

Her fingers found Tony’s ring. It was a simple gold band, inscribed on the inside with their wedding date. When they had been ring shopping only a few months after the decimation, he had insisted on something simple. He had flashy in so many other phases of his life, so many times. He kept insisting that he wanted simple.

“I want you, I want a ring, and I want this baby,” he’d said, holding her not-yet-showing, but still pregnant stomach. “I’m going to build you a cabin in the woods, Pepper Potts, and we’re going to live the simplest life we can manage.”

Another stifled sob escaped her. In that moment on the battlefield, full of adrenaline, she’d been able to be strong for her husband. She told him that they would be okay, and it was time for him to rest. The ‘they’ being everyone, in this case. He’d just finished saving not just Peter, not just the earth, but the entire galaxy. Unfathomable change rippled out into the lengthy cosmos, more than he could ever know or see, and she just wanted him to know that he'd done well. He had done everything he’d ever set out to do from that first moment she’d caught him in the suit in 2008.

Now, in this hospital room with monitors and machines making sure her husband didn’t up and die, the father of her child missing an arm, it was a little harder to be at peace with it. More than anything, she desperately wanted him to live. It wasn’t fair that he had to trade his life for his victory. It just wasn’t fair.

“I told Morgan that you’re sick,” she said, voice trembling. “She was worried. She wanted to come see you, and when I told her no, she said she’d make you a card. Mom and Dad were helping her put glitter all over it when I left.” She paused at length. “Please be okay,” she whispered. “We need you to be okay.”


	5. Chapter Five

The last time Bruce had been in Wakanda, he’d watched a handful of Avengers turn to dust. He’d watched Thor take the hardest failure of his life, and he’d watched Thanos will half of the universe out of existence with a single snap. He remembered Rhodey’s denial when they said Sam was probably gone. Rhodey searched for almost an hour, looking through every blade of the tall grass to try to find him. Back at the palace, he’d seen Okoye nearly break down when she saw how many of the Dora were left. He watched Vision, his unholy threesome brainchild with Tony and Helen, get an infinity stone ripped out of his head. It was the first time he’d even seen Vision since he was created.

Now, he was making fun new memories of Tony on a table, bleeding and dying with nothing that his Hulk-sized hands could do about it. 

He was not thrilled to be in Wakanda again.

When Shuri returned from taking Pepper to Tony, she suggested everyone get a good shower, a change of clothes, and a nap. There had been a very, very muted assent. They all wanted the shower and nap, and Bruce was starving, but none of them wanted to walk away from Tony for a second. Bruce was still so wired from going directly from time travel, to success, to having the building blown up, to having to fight Thanos  _ again _ , to watching his best friend die. And then his best friend got his arm cut off and his heart restarted, and then his heart stopped and restarted again, and…it had just been a really, really long day.

Bruce closed his eyes and massaged the space between his eyebrows, which was quickly forming very deep lines. He couldn’t even remember where his train of thought had been taking him.

He startled when a hand came down on his shoulder, and turned to find Thor. They shared an equally tired and mournful look.

“We did it,” Bruce said hoarsely.

“At a high price.” Thor cast his eyes down, patted Bruce’s shoulder once more, then carried on after Shuri.

With a sigh, Bruce stood up and followed after them. If he was going to be in Wakanda, he may as well be comfortable.

The Avengers were shown to rooms within the palace, which was just a walking distance from the hospital. Bruce would have guessed that the hospital and the palace were connected at some point, possibly underground. Okoye and another woman greeted them at the entrance of the palace. Okoye and Shuri looked on with a grin when T'Challa and the other woman excitedly embraced.

The rooms were lavish and modest all at once. The beds were huge, to Bruce’s absolute relief. There was an extended bathroom connected to the room, with a shower that he’d…probably be able to fit in, and a small living area in the open space with the bed. T’Challa assured him someone would be by with clothes that would fit him. He didn’t ask how they were gonna swing that one.

Sure enough, when Bruce came from the bathroom after his shower, there were a pair of hulk-sized pants on the bed, and a very large button-down. He got dressed and sank into the bed with his phone in hand. The TV on the wall was playing the news. It was a spectacle, really. Footage everywhere of people just...reappearing, all over the globe. People were coming to in apartments which had been standing abandoned for months, apartments which were inhabited by others, now. People who had been in airplanes at the time of the decimation, thankfully, were not falling from the sky, but instead coming to on the ground below wherever they’d been flying over. Massive rescue efforts were being launched all over the world, the police were flooded with requests to reunite families, phone calls were having a hard time going through with the sheer volume of people placing calls. It was the decimation all over again, but in reverse. Instead of widespread panic and hysteria, there was widespread joy and disbelief. Instead of calls placed to find out which loved ones were lost, it was calls placed to locate the ones who had surely been regenerated.

The news showed little of the smoking rubble of the Avengers compound, or the army which had appeared from the sky so similarly to that in 2012. They didn’t touch on the fact that it had all vanished into dust, they didn’t go over which Avengers were missing or accounted for. For the moment, the nobody cared why or how, they were just hoping it lasted.

Bruce tried to put a call in to Clint, whom he’d promised an update, but he only got a busy signal. It was to be expected. Instead, he typed out a text.

‘ _ Tony is stable for now. Shuri got Helen Cho here, they’re working on a strategy. There’s hope. _ ’

He wasn’t sure what else to say. There were a million tiny things that could go wrong. The human body was a delicate and sometimes unpredictable thing. Tony could crash at any moment, for any reason, and even with all the technology and medical care in the world, there was only so much they could do.

Clint texted back some minutes later. ‘ _ Thx greenie. Send Pepper our love. Going to see Laura and the kids, then joining rescue and reuniting. _ ’

Bruce nodded to himself and put the phone down, nothing more to say.

Despite how tired he felt, and how comfortable the bed was, Bruce found himself unable to sleep. He got back up around sunset, and set back toward the hospital.

He wasn’t the only one that couldn’t sleep. When he entered the main receiving area, a nurse stopped him and pointed him in the direction of the others. He found Shuri, Dr. Cho, and Strange sitting in a conference room near Tony’s room. The glass conference table had screens inlaid, which were illuminating their faces from below as they looked over them. Stephen, the only one facing the door, was the first to spot Bruce.

“Anything I can help with?” Bruce asked from the doorway.

Strange gestured to the seat beside him, so Bruce sat. A screen appeared in front of him that displayed Tony’s current vitals, and had all of the imaging and procedures performed so far. It looked like Dr. Cho had added some schematics and notes of her own to the file, as well.

“Bioprinting,” Bruce mused. “Have you successfully printed organs?” He asked Cho.

She beamed. “Yes. Kidneys, hearts, and some very small lungs. Spleens, unfortunately, are just too vascular. The chemical exchange which takes place in the liver and spleen are too complicated to replicate with the bioprinter just yet.”

“He needs at least some of a liver, a lobe of right lung, and an entire spleen. That’s just the necessary, he’s also missing his right outer ear, and he needs huge patches of skin on his right arm, chest, and face.”

“He’s not stable enough for multiple transplants,” Stephen mused. He was wearing a much more relaxed outfit now, and one of his own clothes, Bruce noticed. A pair of slacks and a soft T-shirt with a sweater over it.

“Of course not. Dr. Cho can print the organs directly into the tissue, no need for transplant,” Shuri said.

Silence fell as Shuri and Cho shared a look.

“You can’t do that, can you?” Bruce asked.

Cho looked down at her lap and sighed. “No. The cradle can only print flesh. Which, when creating the Vision, was not a problem. The vibranium gave a base for the artificial cells to grow on.” She looked at the confused faces of the fellow scientists. “The cradle only prints cells compatible with the dermal and epidermal layers. I have had some success with intestines, but nothing else. The body rejects the tissue. I can construct organs with the bioprinter and surgically transplant them into the body, but printing organs directly into the body with the cradle just isn’t possible yet.”

Bruce removed his glasses and sat back in his chair. “This--this is beyond me.

Stephen mumbled an agreement.

“We would have to turn the cradle into--into a suspended animation chamber, practically. In order to print organs directly into the body, we would have to merge the bioprinter technology into the cradle, and then put extensive life support systems into it so that we can open his entire torso to print the organs. It would take...days. Bioprinting is incredibly slow.”

“This is giving me a headache,” Shuri mumbled. “We have suspended animation technology, but it isn’t compatible with surgery.”

The door opened and a nurse stepped in. She bowed her head to Shuri, and proceeded in Wakandan.

Shuri stood and turned to address the others. “The flesh on his severed arm is becoming necrotic, and the exposed bone is degenerating rapidly. Doctor Cho, whatever modifications must be made to the cradle, please do them now, and quickly. Doctor Strange, please accompany me to surgery. I will remove the affected tissue and leave the wound open, Doctor Cho, so that we may print new skin directly onto the wound.”

Bruce stood as Stephen and Shuri rushed out of the room. “I’ll assist,” he told Helen.

She remained seated, looking very on-the-spot, and doubtful.

“We can do this,” he told her. “We have no choice. He has to live.”

She stood. “Let’s get to it.”

* * *

 

For a second time, Tony was taken away for surgery. His skin was dying, Shuri told her, and they had to remove it before it spread. Pepper didn’t pretend to understand what was going on, and she didn’t pretend she would be able to make the right medical decisions for him. She told Shuri to do what needed to be done, and asked how long the operation would take. She couldn’t say.

Pepper sat alone in Tony’s room, in the dark, so frustrated and so sad at the same time. She wanted to be angry, but she wasn’t sure at what, and the tears streaming down her cheeks were making it really hard to feel anything but pathetic. She thought about what Shuri had said, that even if Tony was mostly artificial skin by the time they were done, they would do it. 

She wasn’t sure if that was what Tony wanted, anymore. There was a time in his life when he would have just been okay if he was a floating brain inside of his iron armor. But yesterday was the first time he had donned an armor in five years. He had tinkered with them, he had made a new one, fine tuned the nanoparticle technology and storage unit, he had made Pepper her own entire suit. But he hadn’t put them on for more than testing. He had become a father, and he hung up his slacks and suits for sweaters and jeans. He wasn’t the slicked-back, womanizing, super-heroing man he’d once been. After Thanos, after the decimation, all he wanted was something real and soft and warm to hold onto. If Shuri had her way, this would be the first of many operations, and Tony wasn’t going to come out of it altogether human. She was just waiting for the moment they asked to fit him with a prosthetic like Bucky’s, and she wasn’t sure what she would tell them.

Truth be told, she wanted Tony to stay how he’d been the last five years. He didn’t shake with anxiety after walking out of the suit anymore. He didn’t have nightmares about his friends’ death. He wasn’t obsessing over his latest idea on how to save the world. Before Morgan was born, Tony told her, “The world is as fucked as it’s gonna get, Pep. I already failed them.  _ We _ , the Avengers, already failed them. I have exactly two things to protect, now: you, and Morgan.”

She wanted to keep that Tony. She wanted to keep the man who helped her spread soil in the garden on Saturday mornings, and snuck bites of ice cream to Morgan before dinner. She wanted him soft, and real, and warm. She didn’t want metal, and plastic, and cold. She continued to fight herself, going back and forth with thinking he’d have been better getting to rest on the battlefield, and thinking she could have never lived without him.

The big question remained. Where was she going to draw the line on these high-tech treatments?

“Pepper,” a soft voice said.

She wiped tears from her eyes with her sleeves, and looked up to Steve’s bulking figure in the doorway. She’d brought him a pair of Tony’s biggest athletic shorts, and the biggest t-shirt she could find. They still looked almost laughably small on him. He favored the side full of broken ribs, and walked very carefully to sit down beside her.

“Are you okay?”

She sniffled and wiped her eyes again. “Yes. No. Um, they took Tony for surgery again.” She gestured toward the door and let her hand fall back in her lap. 

“What happened?”

She shook her head. “I guess they couldn’t wait any longer to fix up his arm. Shuri told me Dr. Cho is working on an--an animation chamber? I don’t know what any of it means, Steve.”

Almost cautiously, he reached out a placed his hand on Pepper’s knee. He sat in silence for a while. “Maybe I should have left him be,” he finally said. His voice cracked, and tears of his own were gathering in his eyes.

Pepper couldn’t agree or disagree, really. Only time would tell if they had done the right thing.

“I’m so sorry Pepper. I promised him he wouldn’t lose what he’d gained. I thought this was my chance to repay him for all he’s done and I just...I fucked it up again. I have no idea how he got those stones.” Steve withdrew his hand, wiped his face, and sat straight-backed in the chair.

“Tony’s been on this path for a long time,” she said quietly. “It almost seems like this was bound to happen.”

“He deserved better.”

Pepper was quiet for a beat. “The world just needed ten more of him.”


	6. Chapter Six

The public began to refer to the reversal of the decimation as the restoration. It was, of course, all anyone was talking about. Every headline of every newspaper and internet article, every TV interview, every Buzzfeed clickbait article.

_ Actor And Musician Selena Gomez Revived And Safe _

_ Animal Shelters Seeking Donations and Assistance With Locating Pet Owners Post-Restoration _

_ Top Ten Celebrities Who Were Revived Last Week _

_ Try Not to Cry: Videos of Families Reunited Post-Restoration from Around The World _

There was still confusion regarding the battle with Thanos on the grounds of the destroyed Avengers’ compound. No official statement had been concocted yet. The press was clambering for a statement from the Avengers, from Stark Industries, from anybody, really. They’d managed to catch Maria Hill in an interview while she assisted with reuniting efforts, but she had been gone since the decimation. She didn’t know anything. (So she claimed.) They caught Clint, too--but funny enough, they didn’t recognize him as an Avenger. They interviewed him as a civilian assisting with reuniting efforts, and asked for his theories on what happened. When Bruce watched the interview, he almost lost his mind laughing. He’d made a wild claim that Hawkeye had single-handedly pulled the infinity stones from the heart of a dying star, stolen an Iron Man gauntlet, and defeated Thanos in a head-to-head. The interviewer asked which one was Hawkeye.

After the first day, Rhodey and Happy both pitched camp on the Stark lakeside property in upstate New York. Morgan and her grandparents were still there, but the press was starting to get a little creative with their efforts to get a comment out of the Stark family. They didn’t know that he was still lying in a hospital, half the world away.

Between the collective genius of Princess Shuri, Doctor Cho, Doctor Banner, and Doctor Strange, it had only taken four days of nonstop work and about a thousand gallons of Wakandan coffee to alter the cradle technology to suit their needs. They merged Cho’s tech with Wakandan tech, and that new tech with more of Cho’s old tech, and wrote new programs for the entire thing. Bruce used Tony’s own cells to grow  _ more _ Tony cells in a Petri dish, then put them into an incubator in the cradle to make  _ even more _ Tony cells for printing. Cho Created a new protocol for the bioprinter which had been Frankenstein-ed into the cradle, one where hydrogel-adjacent structure bases were built directly into the body for organ printing, and were later absorbed like a fertilizer for the new organ to function better. Shuri implemented a mostly-automated surgical process within the cradle, so they could map out and plan the entire operation for Tony and the cradle would run it for them. It would open him up as small as possible over the organ which it would be printing, print as quickly as possible, and then print new skin over the wound to eliminate the need for stitches, and the need for the body to expend energy healing something as superficial as a suture. In theory, it all worked very well. In reality...there was no way to test it besides sticking Tony in it and saying a prayer.

While the geniuses worked on their science fair project, Pepper sat by Tony’s bed. Stephen stood by as her on-call intercontinental taxi cab, so she could pop in and see Morgan, her parents, Rhodey, and/or Happy whenever she needed a little boost. Peter visited frequently, also via intercontinental magic cab, and kept her very entertained. Those were the good times.

The bad times were very, very bad. Tony crashed three times while he was waiting for his fancy new lifesaving bed. Once it was his heart, and his implanted pacemaker just needed a little help to get him back to normal sinus rhythm. The second time, it was his liver. He came closer to dying that second time than any of the others. Pepper had paced outside the OR for hours while Peter bounced his knee nervously, and Steve stood in the corner and watched sullenly. Pepper had wanted to strangle them both for adding onto a stressful situation, and barely refrained.

The third and last time he crashed, it was a real come to Jesus moment. The cradle was a few hours away from done, but his body was too full of toxic waste from his dysfunctional liver and kidneys. The four doctors together, made the decision to put him in the cradle prematurely. They were out of time. Pepper was in the room for this one, because they were all too busy to notice she was still standing in front of the window with her hands covering her mouth.

Bruce carried the cradle in ever so delicately and set it beside the hospital bed. Shuri and Helen set to work unhooking him from all the machines that had kept him alive the last days. Stephen was standing to the side with fluids and paddles on a crash cart, waiting to jump in if he had to.

The screeching monitors went eerily silent as they were disconnected from Tony’s body. For a moment, all Pepper could hear was the sound of her own heart in her ears, the air conditioning vent overhead, and the soft shuffle of Doctor Cho and Shuri’s feet across the floor. Stephen once again used magic to move Tony’s thin, failing body into the cradle. Shuri and Cho quickly hooked him into the new machine to keep him alive, and Bruce slid the glass shut overtop.

“Moment of truth,” Helen said. She turned the cradle on with the control panel on the side.

The inside lit up with a cool blue glow, diffusing gentle UV rays over Tony’s hospital-pale skin.

“Ventilation system online. Dyalisis system online and preparing for procedure. Heart monitor online. Blood pressure monitor online.”

Pepper stepped closer while they continued listing the systems coming online. Stephen startled as she appeared beside him. She pulled her hair over her shoulder and held it there at the nape of her neck with her hand, leaning over the cradle and looking in.

“Preparing for full body scan…”

Tony’s face was illuminated oddly by the cradle. The gauntness in his cheeks, never quite covered from his near-starvation five years prior and worsened by a week unconscious, looked too deep, too hollow. His eyes were too dark, too, as they lie closed with his lashes resting on his cheeks. His lips looked blue.

“Alright, it looks like we’re good to go. Once he’s cycled through on dialysis, it should begin surgery.” Cho released a sigh of relief. “We did it.”

Shuri and Bruce shared an excited high-five.

“He’s not breathing.”

The celebration stopped short.

“Guys!” Pepper said, more urgently this time. “He isn’t breathing!”

“Get it open,” Bruce said, putting his hand on the glass top.

“We can’t, it’s sealed for sterilization. It’s already begun the dialysis procedure,” Cho said, tapping rapidly at the control pad.

Stephen touched his watch and started a timer. Three minutes without breathing, and brain damage was likely. Six minutes, and it was definite and irreversible.

Pepper pounded a fist on the glass. “Open this damn thing!”

“I’m trying!”

Shuri dropped to her stomach on the ground, rolled over, and opened a panel on the bottom. The monitoring systems inside the cradle were righted as Cho rebooted their systems, and they screamed, too. It was not helpful.

“We’re at roughly forty seconds,” Strange said. His voice was too calm.

Pepper stepped backwards, away from the cradle. Her chest heaved with her panic, and the room spun around her. He wasn’t breathing. Locked in that tube, not breathing.

Shuri yelped underneath the cradle as a few sparks flew. Bruce grabbed her by the ankle and pulled her back, and she shouted and kicked at him. She wriggled back underneath it and continued tampering.

“One minute,” Strange continued.

“I’m initiating a full system reboot,” Cho said.

“No! That’ll kill him for sure.” With one big hand, Bruce covered the entire touchscreen control panel and glared daggers at Cho.

The blue light in the cradle turned off, and nobody knew how to respond. None of them did, for a moment. The room went silent, and Tony, blue lipped and unnaturally still, lie there in the cradle.

“Is he--” Pepper’s voice broke, and faded out.

Shuri grunted as she got to her feet, and planted one sturdy kick in the side of the cradle.

It roared back to life, the sound of cooling fans and computing systems and surgical processes coming back to life all at once. The light flickered, and stayed on for good. Pepper rushed back to her husband’s side, almost not daring to hope. His chest rose once, paused, and fell again. In complete and total silence, the five of them watched as the cradle continued to draw breaths for him, and the blue faded from his lips.

Stephen moved to the control panel. “Brain waves are completely normal,” he said, sighing.

Pepper let out an extremely nervous, relieved laugh, and nearly collapsed right there beside the cradle.

All four doctors came to her aid as her knees turned to jelly, and the world spun around her.

“I'm fine, I'm fine,” she insisted.

Bruce eased her to the floor and knelt beside her, clearly not buying a word of it. “When’s the last time you ate, Pep? Slept?”

She shook her head and rubbed her eyes. Black spots danced in her vision. “I am  _ fine _ . Make sure Tony’s okay.”

“Tony doesn't care how he's doing. He would want you to be taking care of yourself.”

Pepper looked up at Bruce, sitting helplessly on the floor with her hands in her lap. “I don't want to leave him.”

“Then we’ll bring food and sleep to you.”

Bruce followed through on that threat, and sure enough, there was a meal tray and a new hospital bed for Pepper to sleep in. They pushed it up against the wall beside the cradle.

So Pepper lay in the dark, staring at the metal tube with a tissue in hand.

In total, it had only been a week. But for Pepper, it felt like a year. Each day sitting by his bedside--or, more correctly, his  _ cradle _ side, now--felt like a week in itself. The four doctors had assured her that Tony wouldn't be artificial, after all. They were using his own cells to build the new organs and tissues. A good deal of the artificial tissue they used would be absorbed by his body within twenty-four hours of implantation. The cradle was breathing for him, beating his heart for him, and constantly printing new flesh into his body. He was closed up in a glass box like Snow White, but Pepper wasn't Prince Charming, and she could not kiss his wounds away.

“Knock knock.”

Rhodey stood in the doorway, smiling. Just the sight of him lifted Pepper’s spirits. He came to stand beside her and wrapped her in a hug while she remained seated on the bed.

“Bruce called. Said you could use a friend.”

She smiled. “I’m alright.”

“It’s okay not to be.”

She paused. He wasn’t wrong, but... _ someone _ in this relationship had to be okay and wear the pants. It clearly was not Tony at the moment.

“How’s the press war?”

Rhodey grimaced, shrugging a little. “It’s--it’s okay.”

Pepper smirked and looked up at him. “It’s okay not to be, Rhodey.”

“Oh, ha ha, I get it, we’re making fun of the smart guy.” He sat down beside her and patted her shoulder once. “I’m glad you’re okay. Bruce sounded really worried on the phone.”

It was Pepper’s turn to shrug. “He wasn’t breathing for a minute. I thought we were losing him for good this time.”

“Have you decided if you’ll resuscitate if he...y’know.”

She shook her head. “I don’t really think it’s my choice anymore. Tony means so much to so many people, especially the ones that are taking care of him. I don’t know what he managed to say to Strange in the few days they were together on Titan, but he’s really invested. And Cho, you know how she and Tony got on. I might be his wife, but I’m hardly the only one who needs him. At the very least, I think we owe it to Morgan to do all we can.”

He nodded. While Pepper explained herself, Rhodey’s eyes had drifted to his friend in the cradle, and he hadn’t been able to look away. Beneath the frosted glass censoring it, the smears of red clearly indicated the machine was performing surgery while they sat there and watched. “I wouldn’t pull the plug until there’s absolutely no hope left,” he mused. “I think that’s what Tony would want.”

“I think so too.”

“What have you told Morgan, anyway?”

She drew a deep breath. “Well, I told her that daddy’s very sick, and he’s in the hospital, and she can’t come see him just yet.”

“And?”

She shook her head, looking ashamedly at her lap. “Nothing else. I know it’s selfish, but I’m already dealing with my emotions and processing this for myself. I don’t know how to guide her through that right now.”

“I get it.”

They sat in silence, listening to the electrical hum of the cradle as it worked. 

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Anything,” he responded immediately.

“Tell Happy I want to make a statement for the press. Tomorrow.”

“Wait, are you sure? Have you talked to SHIELD? What are you authorized to say?”

“Tony ran point on this one. There was no oversight, this was doing whatever it took to reverse the end of the world, and they did. I’m authorizing myself to say whatever I want.”

Rhodey chuckled. “Okay, okay. I’ll let him know. Get some rest, okay?”

She smiled. It felt fake. “Promise.”


	7. Chapter Seven

Tony opened his eyes just a crack. Everything around him was blurry. He tried to clear his throat, and gagged. He stopped. Took a breath. Tried to open his mouth. He found his mouth already open, and his tongue shriveled up and dry in his mouth. There was something  _ in _ his mouth. The last time he woke up disoriented with something in his mouth, it was not good, and he would very much like to never relive  _ that _ experience, thank you.

He tried to lift his arm to touch his face, investigate what the hell was going on. He was met with blinding pain and no arm movement, so he didn't try that again. He went back to the first sense he’d tried: sight. When he opened his eyes again, everything was still blurry. His vision was starting to go, sure, but it wasn't that bad usually. He could only make out blobs of shapes, no matter how many times he blinked. One eye was working much less than the other, but honestly he was still too disoriented to tell which one it was.

He gagged again around whatever was in his mouth. It was making it hard to breathe. He coughed and gagged until he heard a beeping in the background, and then the rustle of movement. When he looked up through the throat-irritated tears gathering in his eyes, he saw Pepper, clear as day.

Alright, so she was only clear in one eye. If he closed the right eye, he could see her glowing halo of red hair, the freckles on her nose, and the little crow’s feet she was growing beside her eyes. Laugh lines, he called them. She still didn’t like him to mention them, no matter what he called them. She wasn’t laughing, though. Worry was etched into every line of her face, and then very suddenly, tears. She was like a water fountain, crying and laughing and holding his face with her hands.

And oh my  _ god _ almighty did everything just fucking hurt. The more conscious he became, the more Tony realized that every bit of his body was on fire in absolutely raging pain. The tears in his eyes became more from the all-consuming pain than from whatever was lodged in his throat.

“Hang on, hang on Tony. Shuri’s coming, she’ll take the tube out.”

Shuri? The Wakandan princess, Shuri? The  _ tube _ ? How long had he been out?

The pain continued to settle deeply inside him. It was like someone had just Y-cut him down the middle autopsy style and taken everything out, then, like some twisted jigsaw puzzle, they stuffed it all back in. Except it felt more like Morgan did it than a medical doctor. What the fuck was happening?

He groaned deeply between coughs as he tried to clear his throat. Every cough felt like a thousand bee stings, but he couldn’t stop. His throat was spasming around the tube lodged in it.

Shuri finally appeared in the blurry end of his vision. Her hands moved around his face for a moment, then she slowly began pulling the tube from his throat.

He screamed when it was released. Pepper, who had been holding his hand, took a startled step backward.

“What did you do?” 

Shuri didn’t respond, just rushed out of the room.

Tony clamped his left hand over his mouth, the only one that didn’t hurt to move, and tried to stop. Tears were rolling unchecked down either side of his face. He had known some pain in his time--heart surgery without anesthetic came to mind--but this was something else altogether. He felt like he’d been run over with a steamroller--like he was on fire--like he was going to die. He kept screaming as he writhed in pain.

Shuri returned and put a needle in his IV, and everything blissfully faded back to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the reads and comments! Drop me a line on Twitter at halogalopagos if that's something you're into


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: Human euthenasia/assisted suicide is mentioned. I understand this is a VERY delicate topic and I don't want to get into where I stand on it, but it is mentioned. My lovely sister/beta reader has assured me this is a natural escalation, but...that is up to you individually, readers. I'll be interested to hear your feedback and as always, thanks for reading!

Pepper sat on the lid of a toilet in the women’s bathroom, held her face in her hands, and sobbed. Endlessly, loudly, unabashedly, she cried.

She deserved it. After nearly three weeks at Tony’s side, watching him almost die, watching the reconstructive robot surgery, and watching him sleep in his medically induced coma, she fucking deserved it. Every strength reserve she had was exhausted. There was nothing left to give.

She had _never_ seen Tony like that, and she really hoped she never saw it again. He was screaming in agony. He kept trying to move his residual arm on the right. Pepper couldn’t even tell what exactly had been causing him distress. It may have been pain, but a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach wondered if he had realized what they’d done to his arm to save him. What if he didn’t want to live without the arm? What if the surgeries had been botched, or the implanted tissues were always going to cause him pain? What if, after all of these weeks of agony at his bedside, all of the hopes she’d gotten up...he still had to die?

She couldn’t let him live in agony. If every day of his life, no, if even a _moment_ of his life was like that, screaming and writhing helplessly in pain...she didn't know what she’d do. She didn't know if there was even anything she could do. How would the royalty of Wakanda feel about human euthanasia, if it came down to it?

It was all too horrible to think about, but she couldn't stop herself from wondering. It was like watching a disaster unfold, unable to look away.

She left the stall after a while, and leaned in close to the mirror to inspect the damage. One hundred percent of her mascara was gone, which honestly, was better than having it streaked all over her face. She took a paper towel and dabbed cold water around her red, swollen eyes. That was about as much as she could do, so she blew her nose, and went back out.

Shuri and Dr. Cho were standing outside of Tony’s room when she returned to it. Tony, behind the glass, was still in a deep drug-induced sleep.

Dr. Cho turned to Pepper as soon as she spotted her rounding the corner. “Mrs. Stark, I’m so sorry.”

“How would you have known?”

She sighed. “The good news is, he’s breathing very well on his own now. We also examined the brain waves which were taken during Mr. Stark’s moment of consciousness, there’s still no sign of brain damage. However, the data does indicate that the pain he experienced wasn’t all real.”

Pepper frowned, eyebrows drawing close over her eyes. “I don’t understand.”

“We’ve torn open and poked everything inside him, but most everything is healed. The sensation he was experiencing may have falsely registered as pain. Think of it as phantom pains, but throughout his entire body. His body was trying to process two weeks of reconstructive surgery all at once. We’d like to allow him to wake again, and make sure he doesn’t react the same way. If he does...we did something wrong.”

Pepper looked down at her feet. “Maybe it’s time to call it.”

“What do you mean?” Shuri demanded.

“I mean…” Pepper paused, trying to hold back tears. Her voice was tight. “He’s been through enough. He’s--he was in so much pain. I don’t want him to go through that.”

All three women turned as they heard footsteps approaching loud and fast. Steve was jogging down the hall, and stopped short when he reached the cluster of women. “I heard Tony woke up,” he said breathlessly.

There was a moment’s pause.

“It wasn’t good,” Pepper said quietly.

Steve looked between them, then looked past them into the room. “Is he--I thought he was okay. I thought you fixed him.”

“Physically, he’s fine. He experienced some kind of episode, upon waking,” Shuri explained.

Pepper shook her head. “What she means is that he woke up screaming, and now they want to wake him up again.”

“What other option do we have?” Shuri asked gently.

“We could stop this craziness! Stop making him suffer! Contrary to popular belief, Tony does not exist to suffer for this earth! He’s done so much for everyone, he’s sacrificed everything even when he didn’t want to. When are you just going to let him rest?” Pepper swiped at some tears. Part anger, part sadness. “Just let him rest.”

“Are you suggesting euthanasia?” Dr. Cho asked, voice low.

Shuri crossed her arms over her chest. “We don’t do that here. We don’t have to.”

“You people and your technology!” Pepper was exploding. The last three weeks had reached critical mass, and now boiled over and out of her mouth. “Tony lived for years with a magnet the size of my fist in his chest and all he did was sacrifice for you! Let him rest before there’s nothing left for me to lay to rest. Just let us be.” Pepper covered her face as sobs bubbled over.

Steve stepped forward cautiously and put his hands on her shoulders. “Pepper, come sit down. Come on.”

He guided her into Tony’s room and sat her on the short couch against the window, then pulled a chair close for himself. The two doctors were hovering in the doorway, maybe unsure if they were welcome.

“It seems a little extreme to be talking about euthanasia,” he said gently.

“You didn’t see him.”

Steve turned in his chair and looked at Tony. He looked okay enough. Sure, he was pale, a little gaunt from three weeks in bed, but he didn’t seem to be in pain. “What is Doctor Cho recommending?”

“She wants to wake him up again. Today.”

Steve heaved a sigh. “Maybe...it’s time to bring Morgan in. In case this is the last chance.”

“No,” Pepper said immediately. “I am not going to let her last memory of her dad be...this. She doesn’t need to see this.”

Steve leaned back in the chair, hands clasped in his lap, thinking. He stared hard at the ceiling tiles as his mind raced. “Would it help if I stay?”

Pepper hesitated.

“You need someone, Pepper. This isn’t a thing you should do alone. I know your parents are with Morgan. I understand if you’re still angry--”

“No, stay. Please.” She sniffled. “You’re right.” She looked up at Shuri and Cho as she spoke her next words. “This is the last time. If he wakes up like that again, that’s it. No more.”

“We can’t--”

Pepper held her hand up, eyes closed. “I’m Tony’s medical proxy, and you’re going to do what I tell you.” She took a deep, grounding breath. “I’ve let you have your run of tests and surgeries and technology. This is the last thing.”

Begrudgingly, both women nodded.

Twenty minutes later, they had once again removed the medication from Tony’s IV drip that was keeping him under. They kept the morphine, though, and they left it close to the maxed out range. He would be woozy when he woke up.

Pepper sat beside his bed, holding his hand tightly in hers, idly petting the back of it with her thumbs. This time, when he woke, she was going to be prepared. No more dozing in the chair beside the bed.

Steve had positioned himself in a chair on the other side of the bed, close enough to be a support for Pepper, and far enough to bail when or if he needed to. He kept an eye on the door, carefully scrutinizing every nurse that came in. If things went sideways again, Shuri was waiting outside with a syringe containing a lethal dose of morphine. Pepper said that if he was in screaming pain, she would say goodbye, tell him how loved he was, and give him the option to rest once and for all...if he was cognisant enough to make the choice. If he wasn’t, she was going to have to make the call herself.

They waited a long time. The sun began to set, casting warm orange beams across the room, then disappeared altogether beyond the horizon, leaving them in soft purple twilight. They turned on some of the lights in the room, but left off the ones over the bed. They were trying to make this as relaxing an environment as possible, so Pepper definitely startled in the dim, quiet room when her phone began ringing in her pocket. She whipped it out silenced it even before she checked the caller ID on the screen. It was her dad.

“Hey Dad,” she said softly. “What’s up?”

“ _Well I don’t want you to panic, Ginny--_ ”

“Is Morgan alright?” Pepper asked, already panicking.

“ _Yes, yes, everything is fine._ ” He chuckled. “ _Your mother went to check on her in her tent, earlier, and found her with one of your photographs from the living room. She was crying. She misses you and Tony dearly. I was hoping you had a minute to speak to her._ ”

Pepper’s heart was practically melted in her chest. She missed her baby, too. Even with once-daily visits courtesy of Stephen, she had been away every day for the last three weeks. Most nights, she didn’t even get to kiss her goodnight. She just Facetimed her good-nights. God, she was a terrible mother. She’d left her alone too long. Leaving her alone for even a night was too long, and she knew that. But she couldn’t be two places at once. She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Yes, of course.”

She looked to Tony while her dad rustled the phone to Morgan on the other end. He still hadn’t stirred.

“ _Hi Mom_ ,” a feeble little Morgan voice said over the phone.

“Hi sweetheart,” she crooned. “Are you okay? Grandpop said you were having a rough day.”

“ _I miss you and Daddy_ ,” she admitted. There was a sniffle on the end of it.

Pepper closed her eyes and tightened her grip on Tony’s hand. “I know, baby. I miss you too. I promise, this is almost over. I’ll be home soon.”

“ _Daddy too_?” Her voice took on a hopeful edge.

Pepper hesitated. Tony should have been awake by now, if he was going to be. Steve and Rhodey hadn’t been the first to question how much she’d told Morgan. She had questioned herself on it since the very beginning, so had her parents. She glanced to Steve, who was courteously pretending not to listen to the phone call. Pepper was seriously entertaining the idea that Tony might be dead before Wakanda’s sunrise. It was time to prepare Morgan.

She put the phone on speaker and set it on the bed, so she could put both hands back on her husband. She tried to draw strength from him as she spoke, though he had little to spare.

“Morgan, I need you to listen carefully. Daddy...might not come home.”

There was a quiet pause on the other end of the phone. Pepper expected questions, but maybe she shouldn’t have. Morgan was intelligent, for a girl her age. What else is to be expected from Tony Stark’s daughter?

“He saved lots of people. I’m sure you saw it on the TV.”

“ _Yeah_.”

“Well, he also got hurt very badly. He--he’s,” Pepper paused, blinking tears out of her eyes.

Steve was watching now. He gave her a little nod of encouragement.

She couldn’t continue. What was she supposed to say? She shouldn’t be doing this over the phone either. She should be sitting in front of Morgan, holding her in her arms, and telling her how her daddy died being a hero, like he always had been. She should have been looking through photos of him, telling him how he traveled through time like they did on the cartoons she watched in the mornings.

“He’s very sick,” she finally finished, voice weak.

“ _Can I come see him_?”

Pepper withdrew a hand and put it over her mouth. She couldn’t let Morgan hear her cry. Not yet, anyway.

“Morgan?”

Pepper gasped, nearly jumping out of her skin. “Tony?”

Tony’s eyes still weren't open. In fact, they were screwed shut rather tightly. In pain.

“ _Daddy_!” Morgan exclaimed, her shriek piercing even through the phone.

Tony’s hand tightened around Pepper’s as a little smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Hey munchkin,” he whispered.

Pepper’s jaw worked uselessly for a moment before she finally got words out. “Morgan--Morgan, sweetie, I’m going to call you back. Give the phone back to Grandpops now, okay? I love you very much.”

Pepper hung up the phone and jumped to her feet, standing over Tony. She hesitated, watching him stir gently, eyes screwed shut. “Are you okay? Are you in pain?”

He cracked an eye open, looking up at her with the serenest of looks on his face. “My insides feel like alphabet soup. What happened?”

Pepper laughed, tears of sadness turning to joy on her cheeks. She swept her hair up over her shoulder and bent down to press a kiss to his forehead. His cheek. His lips. Kisses on every inch of skin that wasn't wounded or otherwise preoccupied. She didn’t know what to say. For the last three weeks, she had been cataloguing things to share with him if he woke. None of it mattered, now. She just wanted to throw her arms around him.

Tony winced in pain as Pepper pulled back from one kiss, and she gasped. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“No, my arm--”

Pepper backed away. Very, very carefully so as not to hurt her husband, she sat on the edge of the bed.

“I can’t even lift my head,” he groaned. “Pep.” He reached out to her with his left hand.

She took his hand and pressed her lips to his knuckles, watching him with worry. “Tony, you took the stones from him. You used them to destroy him and his armies, and...your arm,” she said, so softly it was almost a whisper. “We couldn’t remove the gauntlet, so they removed your arm.”

Tony blinked, eyes wide and searching. He must not have fully comprehended what she was saying. He was on a rather high dose of morphine, after all. With no little amount of effort, Tony turned his head and looked down at his right side.

“Huh.”

“Are you okay?”

He closed his eyes again, resting his head against the pillows. “Yeah.” A tear trailed down his cheek.

Pepper leaned forward, unsure of what to do. What was he thinking? “Tony. Are you sure?”

He opened his eyes, locking her gaze into his deep one. “I don’t care about the arm. I’m just glad I’m alive,” he breathed.

Pepper smiled tearfully, still holding his hand to her face. “Me too.”

He swallowed hard. “Can I get a drink?”

Pepper turned to Steve, but Steve was long gone. She couldn’t see him anywhere outside the room through the glass wall, either. Shuri was standing in the doorway, syringe nowhere in sight. She nodded to Pepper and turned to get Tony a drink of water.

“What are you looking for?”

Pepper looked back down to Tony. All over again, her chest was filled with emotion as she looked at him. Alive, awake, and okay. “Nothing,” she assured him. “I love you so much, Tony.”

He tugged on her hand with his. When she leaned forward, he put his hand behind her head and kissed his wife.


	9. Chapter Nine

Tony honestly was not surprised to find out that he’d been unconscious for three weeks--he felt like he’d been out for a year. He was, however, a little surprised to find his right arm gone.

Just. Totally, completely gone. The thing was missing from his bicep down, and it didn’t feel real. He could move the stump without pain, thanks to Cho and Princess Shuri’s quick thinking and steady hands, but it was just odd. He tried to look at it, think about it, and move it as little as possible that first time he woke. Instead, he focused on Pepper. He held her hand with all the strength he had to offer from his remaining hand, and listened as she cried her relief on his chest. He cried, too, but much more gently. It ached to breathe, let alone sob.

He was only awake in short bursts of time, at first. His body was still exhausted from the stones’ power, the countless operations, and just being too damn old to be doing this shit. According to Thor, the stones were powerful, yes, but they needed a power  _ source _ . In Vision, it was the strength of JARVIS’ mainframe within him, and the vibranium he was made with. With Bruce and Thanos, it had simply been their sheer mass. With Tony...it had been every ounce of his being. It ate his arm, and then it ate the flesh on thirty-five percent of his skull and twenty-five percent of his body closest connected to his right arm. Then it discovered his organs, and began sapping those.

Thor actually knelt beside the bed with a mist of tears in his eyes and apologized to Tony for cutting his arm off. Tony had almost laughed in shock. He weakly clapped Thor on the shoulder and thanked him, instead.

“I owe you my life, Thunderpants. Morgan still has a Dad because of you.  _ Thank you. _ ”

Bruce came to visit too. He sat beside the bed while Pepper was back at the homestead, grabbing a shower and a meal with Morgan and her parents. He completely geeked out over all the tech he’d seen in Wakanda, and explained in greater detail than Tony really wanted about how they’d put him back together again. Bruce also explained how the gamma burns on the both of them had been too deep to really repair at full thickness without extensive skin removal and replacement. Bruce had opted against it, way past the point of vanity, and Tony hadn’t had the option in his condition. Tony laughed it off, likening it to matching tattoos. It was their save-the-world souvenir. 

Even Clint sent a video with Laura and all the kids smashed into the rectangular frame of his phone screen. On a sunny day on the overgrown farm, Clint smiled and laughed with his family as they all individually thanked Bruce and Tony for everything they did.

Natasha’s absence was deeply, achingly noted by all the Avengers. Tony told everyone in excited detail about his odd dream with Natasha, the dream that maybe had not been a dream. Years before, he would have written it off as the delusions of a dying brain releasing too many hormones at once with a shortage of blood and oxygen to support them. Now, after all he’d seen...Well, he was pretty sure it  _ wasn’t _ a dream. He told them she was at peace, and she sent her love to all. Bruce and Clint, over FaceTime, looked at him like he was a little crazy, until Thor confirmed there had been tales of souls trapped eternally in the soul realm long before Natasha. He comforted them by saying she was not alone, but with the other peaceful souls who had been sacrificed at the altar of power over the years.

Another notable absence was Steve. Rogers, that is. Strange had been by a few times. Pepper told Tony that Steve had been waiting with her when he woke up the second time, but he’d vanished sometime after. Nobody had seen him in the hospital since, but they all knew he was kicking around with Bucky somewhere in the city. Tony didn’t reach out to him. He thought maybe Rogers was still a little peeved with him, or just needed his space. Tony was not even once going to pretend that he knew how Steve’s mind worked, but he knew he'd come by when he was ready. He also knew that Steve might never be ready. Their mission was complete, after all.

After a few days in bed, he was cleared to do some moving. It was slow, since his body had atrophied significantly in his coma. In Pepper’s absence, the doctors and nurses insisted he used a cane so he wouldn't fall. After having done just that, he conceded and used the clunky metal thing to get around his small hospital room.

When he walked the halls with Pepper at his side, sometimes Rhodey too, the Wakandans gawked. Not only was it wildly abnormal to see a white man wandering the halls, but they knew him. They recognized his face, they recognized what he'd done for them just a month beforehand. The Wakandans had lost people, too, and they profusely thanked him in their language or broken English for returning their loved ones to them. He wished he could shift all that onto Bruce, but Bruce himself had told Tony his use of the stones wouldn't have meant anything without Tony’s second use. He was lauded even by his own team as Earth’s Mightiest. Even Carol, from the depths of space, was sending short transmissions of thanks from species and languages that he had never seen or heard before.

He stuck to his room as much as possible.

Pepper brought him a razor and shaving cream when she brought him a few pairs of pajamas and his favorite T-shirts. He took the hint, kissed her on the cheek, and went to the bathroom to take care of his face.

He stood in front of the mirror in the small bathroom, staring at his haggard reflection. A nurse had trimmed up his beard with a standard electric razor while he’d been out, so it wasn't as scraggly as it could have been. Still, it was uneven all over. It had been a long time since he’d seen himself with this much of a beard. She’d asked if he wanted help when she put his razor and cream in his hand. He’d declined.

He really wasn’t mad about the arm--probably just about the normal amount of upset, he thought. It was a very, very small price to pay for his life and the safety of the  _ entire universe _ , but it was still irritating. See, Tony was very adamantly a righty. Had been since birth. As a teen, he’d tried to force ambidexterity onto himself as a fun experiment. Like anything he did as a teen, it didn’t stick.

His hand shook as he held the razor. Not only was he not a lefty, but he was still unbelievably weak. But the beard had to go, and he wasn’t about to let Pepper shave his face. 

He sighed and bowed his head in the mirror, lowering his hand to his side. He turned a little, looking at the reflection of his right side.

He was missing clumps of hair around his ear, and on his cheek. His right eye was a little cloudy, not noticeable unless you were looking for it. His sight was just shit in that eye now, and Dr. Cho had told him he was out of luck in the eyeball department. His outer ear, though, had been replaced. It was still healing, and patches of the artificial skin were peeling off it like sunburn as his body replaced it with his own cells. The same thing was happening in parts of his insides, where they’d grafted in organs that were half-synthetic, half made of his own cells. He had pink, wrinkled scar tissue all up and down his right side, into his hairline, on his cheek, and on the remainder of his right arm.

With the tip of one finger, he ran his hand over the tight skin on the stump. A shudder involuntarily coursed through his body. His brain knew his finger shouldn’t be able to touch the underside of his bicep muscle. His brain was very much not used to the missing arm yet. The odd lack of pain in the vestigial limb wasn’t helping, either. He still tried to reach out for things with it. He tried to reach out for Pepper, he tried to tuck his hand beneath his cheek while he slept. He tried to scratch an itch on his face. It was just weird.

He huffed, straightening in the mirror. This salt and pepper beard still had to go.

If Leonardo Da Vinci had taught himself in the renaissance to be ambidextrous, he could damn well get it done in the twenty-first century. He was way smarter than Da Vinci, anyway.

He took the razor and got to work. He tried to angle the beard around like he normally would. It took him a million years, and he probably cut himself as often as he could have. When he was finished, he rinsed his face and looked in the mirror.

Okay, fine. So the Mona Lisa wasn’t painted in a day. 

After another pass with the razor, he angrily swept the it and shaving cream into the small trash can, wrapped his sweater tighter around his gaunt body, and exited the bathroom.

Pepper put her phone down as he sat on the edge of the bed. When she saw his chin, her smile flickered for just a second.

Tony shrugged, sighing. “Too much work.”

Pepper had, of course, seen him at varying levels of beard, including none at all. But he and his wife both were most used to his neatly trimmed and shaped signature goatee/moustache look. This time, unable to navigate the intricacies of that regular look, he had just shaven clean.

Pepper moved to sit beside him, snaking her arm around his shoulders and pressing a kiss to his cheek. He angled his face toward her and caught her lips in his, lifting his hand to ghost over her jaw. As his fingers reached her ear, he brushed her hair back and held her by the nape of her neck. He pulled her closer, deepening the kiss.

“Mmm,” she hummed. She pulled away, kissed him again, smiled. “No moustache prickles.”

He mirrored her contented smile while his hand trailed down her neck, over her chest, stomach, around to her hip. “Man, I can’t wait to get you home and figure out how this is gonna work.”

She laughed. “That's not the kind of bedrest you’re going to be on, Mr. Stark.”

His smile turned into a knowing grin. “We’ll see how well that works out, Mrs. Stark.”

The next kiss was a goodbye kiss. Since Tony had woken, Pepper was spending a lot more time at home with Morgan. She frequently went back to grab the odd meal, and was back to sleeping at the house on an EST schedule. Tony was trying to keep his schedule like that, too, so he wouldn’t have a hard adjustment when he went back home. Really though, he was just sleeping whenever he felt like it--which ended up being very often.

Tony made himself comfortable on the bed and got his tablet out. There was a lot of news he had to catch up on. A lot of Avengers press requests to be sorted through, a lot of journalists and organizations contacting him for comment. He couldn’t begin to reply to or read all of it, but he was doing his damnedest to respond to whatever was interesting, at least. 

A notification banner popped up on the top of his tablet. He pulled it open, and grinned. He felt a presence in the dim doorway, but he ignored it in favor of the video Pepper sent. 

In the video, Pepper was sitting on the front porch with Morgan in her lap. Morgan had a telltale chocolate shadow around her mouth, and a big grin beneath that. Her dimples worked overtime as she laughed and chattered about baking with Grandmom. Eventually, Pepper cut her short and told her to say goodbye to Daddy. With her entire face radiating sunshine and excitement, his little mini-me threw her arms wide, nearly whacking her mother in the face, and shouted “ _ Get better soon daddy! I love you, and I miss you, and I can’t wait to see you _ !”  The video ended as they both blew kisses to the camera.

Still ignoring the figure in the doorway, Tony played it through again. He smiled like a madman as he watched Morgan and absorbed her every word, but he felt an ache in his chest that betrayed how much he missed his little girl. He might have been asleep the better part of the last month, but he still the ache of his absence in her life. The one thing he wanted more than anything, even another arm, was to be with her.

He finally sighed away his sadness and laughter both, then closed the tablet. “You coming in or not, Rogers?”

Slowly, and maybe a little haltingly, Steve stuck his head in, and his body followed. He was wearing jeans and a T-shirt in the picture of an American, with those blue eyes and blond coif of his.

“Hey Tony,” he said softly.

Tony gestured to the seat beside the bed. Steve sat, and for a while, it was just silence.

“How are you feeling?”

“Sore, but good. Cho and the Princess did some amazing work.”

He nodded. “Good, good. Uh, no more of this?” Steve touched his chin, then gestured vaguely at Tony.

Tony touched his chin too, thinking. “Thought I’d try a new look. This  _ is _ the third time I’ve died and been resurrected, y’know. Lazarus is shaking in his boots.”

Steve let out a half-hearted chuckle. After some more silence, he leaned forward with his hands on his knees. After a little more, he broke. “I'm sorry. Tony, I failed you so many times. It was my turn to take the fall, my turn to do whatever it takes. You had everything to lose while I still have  _ nothing _ ,” he said breathily, “and you still shouldered the burden. You can’t keep doing this. The world needs you,  _ alive _ , so much more than the world has ever needed me.”

“Cap--”

“No, Tony, I just don’t get it.” He straightened back up, staring hard at the floor while he spoke. “Why didn’t you toss the stones to Carol? Or--or anyone else! You are the most human, the most vulnerable, the oldest--”

“Wow, you know how to make a guy feel loved.”

Steve sighed, and finally settled down. “I just don’t understand.”

Tony felt a smirk pulling at his mouth, and pressed it down. It wasn’t an everyday occurrence to see the Captain so flustered. “You wanna know why I did it? Because Morgan’s life is more valuable than mine. Because Pepper, and Peter, and Morgan, and you, Steve, have so much more to contribute in your lifetimes. You know what Peter said to me? He asked what all this gray stuff in my hair is.” He laughed. “I’m an old man, Cap, you said it yourself. The very best and very last thing I could do for this damn world was to keep it safe.”

Steve was quiet again, lips drawn tight while he stared at his former friend and teammate. “That’s all you’ve been trying to do, ever since Ultron.”

“Even before that. I don’t know how, but I knew what was coming.”

“I should have listened.”

Tony gave a one-shoulder shrug. “Maybe listen next time, and you won't have to give me mouth-to-mouth?”

Steve laughed and looked away.

“Really, my wife was standing right there. She watched you make out with me how many times? I’m not sure what offends me more, that you made out with me without my consent, in this day and age--or that Pepper stood there and got off on it.”

Steve covered his mouth as he laughed and his cheeks took on a rosy pink. “Alright, alright. Once more for the books. I’m sorry, Tony. And thank you.”

Tony nodded, faking very deep sincerity. “I’d say I owe you my life, but…”

Steve cocked his head and grimaced. “Depending on who you ask, there isn’t much of it left.”

Tony grinned. “Exactly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm winding down from a week of vacation, and caring for my brand new arc reactor tattoo! :D It's my first tattoo, on my forearm, and just amazing. I had it done at Bold City Tattoo. If you're in the Jacksonville Florida area and need a tat, head over there for sure. Thanks for your patience as I worked out this beast of a chapter, and as always, thank you for reading. We're almost done!


	10. Chapter Ten

“I'm fighting fit, guys, really. I'm the bionic man now, I'll live forever.”

“Just let them check you over, Tony,” Pepper admonished.

Tony looked up at her and stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth discreetly. A smile came over his wife’s stern face.

“It's amazing,” Shuri said, standing back and admiring Tony like a painting. “According to your blood tests, your body has absorbed all of the artificial material from printing. Your new kidney is fully functional, the liver graft took, and even off the anti-rejection meds, your body isn't rejecting anything. You're the first recipient of your own organs. You have almost a zero percent chance of rejection.”

Cho stopped palpating Tony's abdomen front and back, turning to Shuri instead. The two women high-fived and shared a victorious laugh.

“Necessity is the father of invention,” Tony said, almost to himself. He clapped his hand down on his leg. “Alright, if we’re done here--Strange?”

Stephen quirked an eyebrow, looking at the doctors. “You're still very weak, Tony,” he stated plainly. “Can we trust you to rest, and not lift anything for two weeks?”

Tony grunted as he pushed himself up off the bed. “Yeah yeah, okay. I’ll do none of that and you guys keep being brilliant.” He stopped before Shuri and Cho and smiled. “Really though, thank you. You two are the future.”

He gave both women a one-armed hug. Pepper stepped forward and hugged them, too.

Steve and Bucky were there to see them off, as well as T’Challa. Stephen was there to give them a final lift. Cho to Korea, Pepper and Tony back to their upstate New York homestead. Steve and Bucky has chosen to stay in Wakanda for the time, but they had promised to be present for Natasha’s funeral, which Pepper and Tony were organizing.

“You sure you don't want one of these?” Bucky asked, brandishing his vibranium arm.

Tony laughed and shook his head. “No, no thanks. How often do I get to design my own prosthetic limb? I'm thinking flames up this side.”

Shuri, begins him, snorted a laugh. 

Tony turned with eyebrows raised. “Oh I'm sorry, Princess. If you don't have anything better to do, I’ll let you help.”

She held her hands up innocently. “It's your primitive robot arm, Stark.”

As Pepper gave her final round of thanks and hugs, Tony turned and saw his reflection in the glass wall dividing his room from the hospital hallway. With the curtains drawn, he could see the reflection of his entire body.

The sleeve of his Rolling Stones shirt completely eclipsed the stub of his right arm. All things considered, he doesn't look as bad as he should have. Still, warped purple scarring trailed up and down his right side, edging onto his cheek, his eyebrow, around his ear. The discoloration will fade eventually, but it will always be scarred. The soft silver stubble of a beard he decided to grow back did soften it some. And really, he wasn't worried about his looks. His time in the spotlight, as an influencer, a celebrity, Iron Man--it was over. His real concern was his baby girl.

Morgan, only four and a half years old, would be startled. Daddy was coming home missing an arm, covered in gross pink skin, missing clumps of hair on the side of his head and the goatee she was used to seeing him with. No matter how much of that Pepper told her about, it could really prepare her. More than anything, he worried that she would be afraid of him.

Steve put his hand on his bicep, and released it just as quickly. “It’ll be okay.”

Tony looked, startled, and saw that Steve was really sure about that. Steve was really sure about a lot of things. “Yeah,” he said, waving it off. “I'm not worried.”

He gave Steve a nod, and turned to put his hand in Pepper’s. She squeezed it gently.

“Alright Dumbledore, let’s go.”

Pepper and Tony squinted as they stepped through the golden portal. From the artificially lit hospital room, they stepped into the midmorning sun of their front lawn. 

Tony took a deep breath. The summertime smell of grass, earth, and the breeze off the lake filled his lungs. Instantly, he felt the tight knot in his gut begin to release. He was home. This safe, peaceful place had waited for him.

From the front porch a few yards away, Morgan squealed. They heard a rocking chair creak and moan as she leapt out of it and launched herself down the porch stairs.

Tony released Pepper’s hand immediately and went down on his knees. The rich soil dampened the knees of his jeans. As Morgan came running, he threw his arm out to catch her in a hug.

When she came within a yard of her father, close enough to see him, Morgan slowed to a stop. Her face fell from the sunshine smile to an apprehensive look. She was wearing her favorite dress, a blue and gold sparkly thing with tulle and a big bow tied on the back. She curled her toes in the grass and fiddled with her skirt as she watched her dad carefully.

He remained crouched there, but lowered his arm. His baby girl was not rushing into this embrace. He tried to push down the anxiety rising in his throat, but his eyes welled with tears anyway. No. Not Morgan. He could lose an arm, an eye, anything, but he couldn't stand to lose Morgan. Steve promised him-- _ promised! _ \--that he wouldn't lose what he had gained. This isn't what he signed up for. He flinched as Pepper put her hand on his shoulder.

Morgan stepped forward cautiously but confidently. She stopped in front of Tony and reached out gently to touch his scarred cheek. “Does it hurt?”

He reached across his own body to trap her hand inside his atop his face. He smiled, tears threatening to spill over. “Not at all.”

A soft smile touched her little lips. She leaned forward and gently kissed his scars, then wrapped her arms around his neck.

Tony grasped her tightly and buried his face in her shoulder and hair. The relief that washed over him couldn't be described in words. It was like the stars aligned, every pain left his body, and nothing could harm him in that moment. He held her and held her and let the tears fall as he did.

Morgan hugged him tight with both arms and pulled away periodically to plant kisses all over his face while he laughed tearfully. Tony lost his balance, falling on his backside in the grass. Pepper knelt down with them and wrapped her arms around her family.

“Are you okay?” Tony asked, wiping tears off Morgan’s cheeks.

She nodded. “I missed you so much.”

“God, I missed you too baby.” He planted a kiss on her nose and hugged her again. “Come on, let's go say hi to Uncle Rhodey and Uncle Happy.”

Tony stood awkwardly and Pepper helped Morgan up onto Tony’s hip, where he held her tight with his one arm. They crossed the lawn together, mounted the steps, and finally entered their home as a family.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Peter kissed Aunt May on the cheek as he passed her, doing dishes in the kitchen. She stopped and grabbed the back of his shirt with a soapy hand.

He yelped and turned back around to face her. “Aunt May! My suit--”

“Will dry,” she said, smiling at him. “You look good, Pete. You sure you’re okay going without me?”

Peter straightened the collar of his carefully-pressed shirt. “I’ll be  _ fine _ ,” he insisted for the thousandth time. As Aunt May threw her arms open for a hug, though, he smiled and fell into it.

When he found out he’d been gone for five years, his first thought had been Aunt May. The thought of her sitting in the apartment alone for all that time made him sick to his stomach. He thought surely he was going to get the scolding of his life. What was he thinking--flying off into outer space without checking in with her? Without permission? Since finding out about his little hero side-gig, she’d been incredibly forgiving of his risk taking and occasional absence, but going into space when he was supposed to be on a field trip was on another level altogether.

He’d been thankful to learn that during that five years’ time, she had also been dust in the wind. Mr. Stark kept the apartment for them, with things in boxes and furniture covered in sheets. They would owe him for that forever. There were stories all over the news about lost fortunes, heirlooms, pets, and an endless variety of other worldly possessions. Not everyone had a Guardian Tony watching out for them.

Aunt May kissed him on top of the head, and made a shooing motion at him, flicking soap bubbles. “Alright, get out of here.”

“I’ll text you when I get there, okay?”

“I’m counting on it!”

Peter exited the apartment in his white dress shirt and tie, with his suit jacket draped over his arm, and his backpack in his hand. Just in case, he had his  _ other  _ kind of suit, and a change of casual clothes which he’d probably want for the ride home. Happy was supposed to pick him up, take him to the funeral, and bring him back on the same night. Aunt May had already made him--and Happy--swear up and down that he would only be gone for that time. She wanted him returned promptly and unharmed. Happy was a little offended at the implication that he would allow anything but that. 

Happy pulled up to the curb at the exact minute he was due to arrive. Peter got in the back, threw a hello Happy’s way, and buckled in. The car didn’t move.

“Uhh, Happy?”

“Get in the front.”

“What?”

“Come on, get up here before I change my mind.”

Peter paused a second, eyebrows raised. He scrambled out of the backseat, ran around the front of the vehicle, and slid into the passenger seat. “Are we picking someone else up?”

Happy turned his head halfway, giving him that resting security face he was so well known for. “No. It’s not too late to change my mind.”

Peter nodded silently.

Happy navigated the New York streets like a pro, as always. Not much had changed in those five years. New York City, seemingly always changing and improving, remained alarmingly the same. Apparently that was the norm all over the world. The lack of people had meant a sudden surplus of food and housing. Shipping rates went down, car use was cut in half, the roads and interstates didn’t need as much repair because they weren’t being used. The economy took a detrimental plummet, nearly bottoming out altogether. From what Peter understood, it had been nasty. But there was a lot to catch up on. There was talk in Midtown High of doing special classes for the kids who had been victims of the decimation just to catch them up. A sort of post-current events.

“It’s good to see you.”

Peter looked away from the window, snapped out of his reverie. His jaw worked for a second, wordlessly. “It’s--it’s really nice to see you too, sir.”

Happy shook his head, not taking his eyes off the road. “You know what I mean. I got real bored without all those voicemails to go through.”

Peter smiled. “I'm glad to be here.”

The drive from Peter’s apartment building to the location of the funeral was longer than he had expected. Nearly two hours passed in silence, and his phone was starting to run critically low on battery.

“This is it.”

Peter looked up. They were still surrounded by woods on all sides, but they had left the main road in favor of a gravel road. They went up the winding drive for a few minutes before a house began to emerge from the tree line. Peter leaned forward, gaping. The house was modest, like a regular old farmhouse with a wraparound porch, a separate garage, and a small, fenced-in garden. There was a little tent pitched outside the garden, too. A lake sprawled out in the background. It was the picture of domesticism.

“Where are we?”

“This is Tony and Pepper’s place. Had it built right after the decimation.”

The car stopped near the house. Peter waited til Happy got out, following his actions to know what to do. Peter had talked on the phone once with Tony since he’d woken. It was very brief. Pepper had called and texted him many times during Tony’s lengthy nap, but he hadn’t actually seen either of them since the day Tony died.

When the screen door on the porch was flung open and slammed shut again, Peter’s heart leapt and twisted in his chest. But Tony wasn’t the one that came through it. Instead, a dark haired little girl came flying down the porch steps and through the yard. Her flight path landed her directly at Peter’s feet, where she threw her arms open and wrapped them around his legs. 

“Spider-Man!” she shouted.

He looked up to Happy, eyes wide and confused.

“Morgan!” A voice which was distinctly Tony’s came from the porch. He stood on the porch, up against the railing nearest to the driveway, smiling wide.

“Daddy, Spidey is here! He’s really real just like you said!”

Peter’s jaw dropped, and he went through all five stages of grief in the span of a single second. His eyes watered up as he looked down at the little girl in Hulk pajamas clinging tightly to his legs.  “Okay, uh, was anyone going to tell me that Mr. Stark had a kid, or was I just supposed to meet her for myself?”

Morgan laughed, not understanding a word he said, and bounced up and down on her toes. Peter patted her head awkwardly.

Tony came slowly from the porch, calling Morgan off halfway. “Grandmom isn’t gonna ice all those cupcakes by herself, is she?”

The girl disappeared as quickly as she had come with Happy trailing behind, leaving Peter at a complete loss for words.

When Tony reached him, he wrapped Peter in a one-armed hug. Peter, again, hugged him back. The second hug was more surreal than the first, honestly.

“It’s good to see ya Pete,” he said, patting him on the arm. “I see you met Morgan.”

“Yeah how-how does she know me again?”

Tony shrugged. “Bedtime stories. We, uh, we didn’t think you were coming back, kid.”

Peter pressed his lips together real tight, looking over Tony. His eyes lingered at the place where his arm should be, and wasn't. He couldn't help it. “I didn't think you were either. Are you-uh, are you okay?”

Tony smiled softly. “Arms are small potatoes. I think I’m gonna make it. Come on, I’ll show you around.”

Peter felt like he was having an out of body experience as he was led into Tony Stark’s log cabin by a lake. Or possibly a stroke. The screen door on the porch led them directly into the kitchen, which was bustling with activity. The inside looked just as rustic as the outside, with Pepper at the counter chopping vegetables and Morgan sitting at the table with her grandmother, slathering cupcakes in white buttercream.

Morgan’s brown eyes lit up when Peter entered the room. “Spider-Man, do you want a cupcake?”

“Uh, yeah.” He took the half-iced cupcake from Morgan and smiled. “You can just call me Peter.”

She grinned. “Okay. Peter, this is my Grandmom!” She gestured widely to the older woman across the table.

She smiled, wrinkles crinkling around her eyes and above her mouth as she did. Peter held his hand out and she shook it stoutly.

“Mrs. Potts?”

She waved him away. “Don’t be silly. I’m Grandmom.”

Peter felt his face steadily going red from the bottom up. He nodded, and said nothing else.

Pepper stepped away from the cutting board and hugged him. She grabbed him by the shoulders and looked him up and down in his suit. “It’s good to see you, Peter. Did you bring some more comfortable clothes to change into later?”

“Yes ma’am, they’re in the car.”

She nodded once, still smiling brightly. “Good. You giving him the tour?”

“Yep.” Tony put his hand on Peter’s shoulder and steered him out of the kitchen. “Shout if you need anything Pep.”

They went through the living room next, which was not at all like the last living space Peter had last seen him in. It was covered in cozy furniture, throw pillows, and photographs. Peter saw a lot of Avengers as he looked around, a framed photo of what looked like Tony’s mom, and every one of the three pictures Peter and Tony had ever taken together. Besides that, they were all Tony, Pepper, and Morgan. Morgan had been a very chubby, very adorable baby.

Tony showed him the upstairs of the home very briefly, just peering into bedrooms from the hallway. Tony showed him the wraparound deck, and finally led him in to the garage. This was a little more like what Peter was used to seeing. Tony had a few hot rods, a soccer-mom Subaru, and his latest Audi in neat rows. Tools were all over the place, as the hot rods were constantly getting updates and maintenance. 

While Peter was looking over the cars, Tony walked to a corner of the workshop.

“Kid, there’s more downstairs.”

Peter turned around in time to watch Tony enter a code on the wall. A section of the concrete floor slid away to reveal an LED-lit staircase spiraling down.

And  _ this _ , finally, was what Peter knew had to exist somewhere.

Tony’s lab was, of course, all state of the art. Clean, sleek surfaces were lit extraordinarily and cluttered with various projects. There was very little Iron Man paraphernalia scattered about. Peter could see what looked like some prototypes for Pepper’s armor, maybe some photon weaponry...the rest, he couldn’t really identify. There was one thing in the very back of the workshop that Tony made right for. Peter followed along behind him until they reached the furthermost workspace.

This, Peter recognized. It was just the most basal skeleton of a metal arm. Tony tapped the workbench and a 3-D form came up over the metal skeleton.

“Mark I, obviously. I’ll have thought of ten ways to make it better before it’s finished.” Tony sniffed, spun the model. “I’ll need some help putting it together.” He snickered to himself. “An extra hand, if you will.”

Peter wondered for a second who he was going to ask for help, and then it hit him like a brick that Tony was implying  _ he _ would be the one to help. “Of course, anything you need Mr. Stark.”

Tony smiled, nodded.

“Thank you, by the way, for keeping the apartment and everything. Aunt May was gonna send a card but we didn’t have the address, so…”

“No thanks necessary.” Tony shut down the projection and sat on a stool.

“Are--are you doing okay?”

Tony pulled a little bit of a face, then nodded. “Yeah. I am. The transition to obligate leftie is a little weird, gotta admit. Can't see shit out of this eye,” he said, pointing lazily to the clouded right eye. He met Peter’s eyes with a smile that was a little sadder. “I’m just happy to be here.”

Peter let out a relieved sigh. “Man, I’m glad you are too.”

* * *

 

The funeral, as expected, was made of mostly Avengers. As Natasha had made a point to mention, they had become her family. There were also some SHIELD agents--Fury, Maria, Coulson, a few others who were unknown to the Avengers. All of Clint’s family had come, too, and they were probably the most emotional of them all. 

So her next of kin, none of them related to her by blood, stood somberly by the lake’s edge. With no body to bury, they had been encouraged to bring a little something else. The Barton children brought drawings, an unnamed SHIELD agent brought a handful of semi-automatic bullets. Steve had some sentimental piece of something--nobody quite saw it, but it looked like a ticket stub. There were many small bottles of vodka, and many single stems of flowers. They were all put into a cardboard banker’s box which had been carefully decorated by Pepper and Morgan. It would be set afloat on the lake, and as the cardboard absorbed and eventually filled with water, it would sink to rest on the bottom.

With the box filled, they stood near the short pier on the lake and watched the afternoon sun begin to set.

“If anyone would like to say a few words, now’s the time,” Pepper announced.

There was a steady hush over the group. Then Steve cleared his throat and stepped forward with a folded piece of paper in hand.

He read a bit of scripture from the page, then paused as his words settled in the air. “Natasha was an excellent strategist, a talented linguist, an accomplished gymnast. She was a spy, and a cynic, and a little bit of a mystery, but for those who took the time to get to know her, carefully peel back the layers of masks she built around herself...She was also a kind, sensitive soul. She loved children. She loved sweets, too. She loved dance, music, art. I don’t know if there was anything she didn’t love, at least in part. In the end, Nat sacrificed all of that, and so much more that we don’t know, so that we could all be here today. The world didn’t deserve her. We still don’t deserve her. All we can do now is remember her, and make sure everyone else does too.”

Steve nodded to himself, folded the paper, and stepped back. 

After a pause, Fury was the next to speak up. “Natasha Romanoff was once at the top of my most wanted list. She evaded some of my best agents, until finally, she became one. She was the best of the best. No spy or woman will ever be as talented or downright terrifying as she was, and I speak for everyone at SHIELD when I say we’re going to miss her.”

A longer silence fell after Fury spoke. Nobody else seemed to have something to say, or maybe just didn't want to follow Captain America and the former director of SHIELD. 

Tony looked to Bruce, who was standing nearby, on the other side of Morgan. He shook his head--telling Tony no, he would not be speaking.

So Tony took a breath, buttoned his suit jacket, and took a step forward. “There isn’t much I can say about her that hasn’t already been said,” he began. “I didn’t meet Natasha as an agent or a spy. I met Natasha as an unassuming PA. In a time where I didn't trust anyone, she gained my trust, and eventually helped save my life. She’s saved my life quite a few times, actually. I keep a very short list of intelligent people in this world that I keep an eye on. I keep an even shorter list of people that I trust. Natasha was on both of them, and she has been for a long time. Throughout a lot of ups and downs in my life, I knew I could always count on her. She didn’t always make the decision that I wanted her to make, but usually...I’d have to concede that it was the better decision in the end. Personally, I don’t think it’s fair that she’d have to die before she could see this idea to its end. But I know she’s in a safer, happier place now, and she knows we did it. Wherever the hell she went, she’s happy, and that’s something none of you have been able to say about her in life. She’s happy, and she won’t have to babysit us anymore.” 

Tony lifted his glass, and many others followed suit. “For Natasha, best damn Avenger we’ll ever have.” He took a drink of his scotch, then poured the rest into the dirt. 

As the setting sun cast long shadows, and there were no more words to be said, Clint and Laura took their kids to the pier to place their drawings for Auntie Nat in the box. Laura placed the lid on securely. Together, the family walked it to the end of the pier and set it on the water. Everyone crowded toward the pier and the edge of the water, watching it go.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Rhodey, Steve, Bucky, Bruce, and Sam all stayed overnight at the house. In the morning, Bruce would launch Steve into the past to return the stones to their own time and place. Until then, most of them were still in some form of funeral attire, and still mourning. 

After all except a few Avengers had left and Morgan was in bed, Pepper and Tony busted out the good stuff. Wine, beer, finely aged things with an alcohol percentage high enough to put Thor on his ass for at least a little while. The Avengers talked, first just swapping stories about Natasha, then talking about anything. The more alcohol was ingested, and the later it got, the less somber the conversation. A few card games were played, and sometime in the night, Tony got out Morgan’s baby album. He went around and plopped down beside members of his long-lost team, showing off pictures of his little girl. It was like old times, with the band back together and the dead walking again. It was a dream.

But all dreams end, eventually.

Tony got up early the next morning and cooked a huge spread of bacon and eggs. Cooking one-armed was much easier than he’d thought it would be, at least when it was something simple like bacon and eggs. He still fumbled with some things of course. As he tried to scramble eggs in a bowl, it went all over and splattered without another hand to stabilize the bowl.

It didn’t really get to him. He was running on a baseline of irritation with the missing appendage, so he had to encounter something new and infuriating to really get him mad. Such as his complete inability to drive any of his manual cars. When he did get that mad, he reminded himself that Morgan didn’t care if Daddy was missing an arm, so long as she had Daddy. He reminded himself that even if he’d ended up a brain in a jar, at least he wouldn’t be breaking his promise to her, leaving her alone like his parents had left him. He told himself over and over that his little family was the only thing that mattered. As long as he had Pepper and Morgan, he could lose all four appendages and still live a full life.

Everyone took their time getting around. The Avengers gathered knew that at the very least, Tony would no longer be a part of their team. They were missing Natasha, and Clint was, again, in “retirement”. Everyone was a little on edge, and certainly in no hurry to send Walking PTSD back in time with six infinity stones.

All said and done, it was almost dinner time before everything was prepared. Tony walked down the hill behind the house to where the platform had been assembled. Steve, Bucky, and Sam were standing off to the side while Bruce was making the final preparations. 

As soon as Steve spotted Tony coming down the hill, he broke off from his friends and met him halfway well out of earshot of the others.

“Cap, what’s up?”

He glanced over his shoulder at Bucky and crossed his arms over his chest. His brow was creased in the center.

Tony had to repeat himself. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m--I’m so tired, Tony.” He looked down at the leaves beneath his feet. “I talked to Buck last night, and, well, I think I’m not coming back.”

Tony blinked a few times. “What? What do you mean, not coming back? Pym hooked us up, we got Pym Particles for life.”

“No, I mean on purpose.”

Both men were silent for a moment, staring each other down intently as they had so many times before.

Tony felt his nostrils flare as a ball of anger grew in his chest. “Are you insane, Steve? Are you trying to create another timeline?”

“I don’t know, I guess I am. I want my second chance. I want what you have, what Barton has. I can’t have that here.”

“Horseshit. You can have anything you want, you’re Captain Fucking America. If you want a hundred acres in any of the fifty states of the US, I will make it happen. I’ll make you a contestant on the Bachelor, I’ll--I’ll--”

“No! I thought you would understand,” he said beneath his breath. He sighed. “I don’t want to be here. I have never wanted to be here. I put myself out in the ice a hundred years ago, thinking that was it. I never asked to be dug up, I certainly never asked to be a hero. I just wanted to punch some nazis to do my part.”

“And look how much more you’ve done!” Tony gestured out with his one arm at nothing in particular. “You’ve gotta think about this. You’re going to create a timeline where there’s two of you, and maybe SHIELD never exists the way we know it. For all you know, maybe I never exist!”

“I know,” he said, eerily calm. “I’ve thought it out. I’ll secure the tesseract, the technology they used to revive me won't exist back then, and Buck told me all I need to know to save him. He won’t have to suffer in the Solider program.”

“What about SHIELD?”

“I'm counting on SHIELD not existing as we know it. They were all Hydra. I didn't get a chance to finish my mission, I didn't get a chance to know Peggy. I--I don't belong here, and now I have a chance to go home! If I’d had this chance back when I first met you, I would have jumped on it.”

Tony took a step back. “I thought you’d changed since then.”

Steve could only shrug.

Tony took his tinted glasses off, hung them on his T-shirt, and rubbed at his eyes. His mouth was drawn in a thin, tight line. “Who else have you told?”

“Just Bucky.”

“And he’s okay with this?”

“He likes being here. He wasn’t out solid for ninety years like me, he got to grow with the times a bit. Besides, back in the day, your dad was his idol. He was always about innovation, the future.”

Tony knew right then that he wouldn’t be able to talk him out of it. If Bucky had given this his blessing, nobody could talk Steve out of it except him. “So you’re going to create a new timeline, wife your girl, and settle down in a time without microwaves or WiFi?”

Steve smiled a little. “I know it sounds like torture to you.”

“Hey, we’re ready over here,” Bruce called.

They both looked toward him. Steve gave a thumbs-up.

“When I was a kid, I had this fire inside me,” Steve said. “I was sick, I was an orphan, I was angry. I wanted to fight for my country and make a difference. Now I’ve fought for the fate of the entire universe, and without you, Tony, I would have failed. This isn't my time, and I have to stop trying to pretend it is.”

Tony looked down at his feet, sniffed, looked back up. “What if I’m not okay with it?”

Steve gave him a sad smile. “I’ll miss you. Come visit sometime.”

The anger in Tony’s chest was still there, still fighting to get out. His throat ached with the effort of holding it in. But instead of unleashing it, he leaned in and gave Steve a hug. His bones rattled when Steve gave him a hearty pat on the back.

“Take care of yourself,” Steve said.

Tony put his glasses back on. “I hate long goodbyes.” He motioned to the platform. “Go get your girl.”

Steve lingered for just a second, smiling at him. He nodded once, then turned and started for the platform.

Tony stuck his hand in his pocket and turned away, too, starting back up the hill toward the house. As he walked, he heard the sound of the time machine. Sam started yelling.

Tony wiped a hot, angry tear off his cheek.


	13. Chapter thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this far! All of your comments are so appreciated, it always brings a smile to my face to know someone is enjoying my writing. I'm also glad to ease a fellow Tony fan's suffering. I hope you enjoy this final chapter!

Morgan Stark lay sound asleep with her back pressed into her dad’s stomach, thumb loosely in her mouth. She never had kicked that habit, and her parents were in no rush to make her. 

Tony lie behind her, propped up on pillows on his right side and using his left arm to comb his fingers through her hair. Pepper was on Morgan’s other side, reading.

In his head, Tony was running schematics and mechanics and pros and cons for his prosthetic. It was slow going, having only one hand to built with. He also wanted it to be removable without giving his nerve endings a world of hurt every time, so that was slowing him down. He’d already thrown out two full schematics, and contacted Princess Shuri about possibly placing a port in his vestigial limb to attach the prosthetic with. Peter had also promised to come and spend a week in the lab with him before he was back to school for the year. He smiled to himself. He thought the kid’s eyes were gonna pop out of his head when he’d asked for his help.

Having Peter back was more of a relief than Tony could have ever imagined. He knew that when Peter dissolved into thin air, he had taken a chunk of his soul with him; Tony hadn’t really realized just how big a chunk. When he got to wrap his arms around him, finally, in real life and not in a dream, he could have just died happy right there. Figuratively, of course.

He had come really, very close to dying literally. If he were to get technical about it, he had died several times. Pepper had asked him if he remembered anything between the time he died on the battlefield and the time he woke up to Morgan’s voice in the hospital, and he honestly didn’t. He could remember only a few scraps of dreams that were more like vague feelings than real memories.

Pepper was relieved to hear that. She told him he’d woken up screaming once before, absolutely losing his mind in pain. Shuri and Cho theorized that it was only his brain trying to catch up and recalibrate with the extent of the damage they’d done to his body, but Pepper still wasn’t convinced. She’d woken up one night recently, sobbing after reliving that moment in a nightmare. They held each other tightly in bed the rest of that night.

“Hey Pep?” Tony whispered.

She looked up from her book. 

“I know I’ve broken a lot of promises over the years--not recently, but still...I want to promise you, right now--”

Pepper put the book down on her chest, reached over, and put a finger on her husband’s lips. “You don’t promise not to put on a suit, and I won’t promise not to put on a suit.”

He raised his eyebrows, and a grin spread across his face. “You wanna go put on the suit right now? Because I only got to see it once and it was  _ very _ sexy.”

She was smiling, too. “Family emergencies only.”

He nodded. “Agreed.”

She put the book on the side table and rolled onto her side to face him. “What brings that up?”

Tony looked down at Morgan, napping the day away, and couldn’t help the smile on his face. “I just got a huge reality check, getting the band back together, almost dying, all that. It made me realize just how thankful I am for you two.” He looked back up.

Pepper’s smile was radiant.

“I think we should have another.”

Her smile dropped in place of thorough surprise. “Kid?”

“Yeah. I know you don’t want to do IVF again, and I completely get that. Let’s adopt one.”

Pepper’s shock was slowly replaced with another smile, and a stunned laugh. “Peter isn’t up for adoption.”

Tony scoffed. “Come on, kid’s already mine, certified or not. I meant one we don’t already know. There are a lot of kids who don’t have families right now.”

“Well...it would be a shame if Morgan grew up an only child.”

“You know how only children are,” Tony said, completely ignoring that he and Pepper both were both only children. “Sibling rivalry is extremely healthy, builds lots of character.”

Pepper laughed, almost a giggle, and scooted closer. She reached over Morgan and wrapped her arm around him. “Let’s do it,” she whispered.

Tony grinned, then leaned forward and kissed her. He kissed Morgan on the head, too, and laid his own head down again. He smiled to himself as Pepper closed her eyes.

He’d started this whole thing very skeptical. A world-saving plan based on Back To The Future surely wouldn’t hold water, right? But time and time again, he’d been proven wrong. With the help of a space raccoon and his best friend The Jolly Green Giant, he’d build an entire damn time machine. He’d gone back in time and met his father in a time when he hadn’t even existed. Thor chopped his arm off. A lot had happened, but at the end of it, this time, he got to go home. He got to kiss his wife, hug his daughter, and lay his head down on his own pillow. Tony had saved the universe for the last time. Now, like Steve told him, it was someone else’s turn to make the sacrifice play.

Tony was perfectly happy to let them. He would live in his bubble in the woods with his wife, his daughter, and his children. Happily ever after.


End file.
